Due to the WGA strike I am officially going off air in a show of solidarity. The WGA has also requested people to come together against Fremantle Media, who own The Price is Right, due to shoddy treatment of writers.
This is of course not official as I am not an official writer nor a guild member. But I understand their plight and hope the companies understand it soon.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Oh Snap! A New Post!
The PIR blog is listed as dead on other sites, and they pretty much are correct. But alas a new post.
First off, thanks for checking, I might do this again someday, then again I might not.
Second, read my other thing, a comic at westerncomic.stripgenerator.com . I've been working really hard on it and I hope you like it, for it too may be dead soon.
Third, please grant your support to Drew Carey. He's hosting the Price now, and starting monday it'll be shown. He likes it, gives props to Bob by urging people to spay and neuter, and he's silly. Or so they say.
So tune in and tune out. Its a big world out there, good thing we have television.
First off, thanks for checking, I might do this again someday, then again I might not.
Second, read my other thing, a comic at westerncomic.stripgenerator.com . I've been working really hard on it and I hope you like it, for it too may be dead soon.
Third, please grant your support to Drew Carey. He's hosting the Price now, and starting monday it'll be shown. He likes it, gives props to Bob by urging people to spay and neuter, and he's silly. Or so they say.
So tune in and tune out. Its a big world out there, good thing we have television.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
New Host Reactions.
So it's been a few hours and I think I'm ready to let my jealousy slide.
We here at the PIR blog have decided to back Drew Carey. He's already got the job so I don't know what good it will do. We've decided to give full support for Drew in his new endeavor.
Why you ask? Is he good enough? How did you reach this decision?
Well, I watched Letterman last night, just to see him announce it. But the interview didn't start off that way, instead Drew went on for a bit about his love of soccer. Point - Carey.
Secondly he went on to quip that he wont be watching any American football games if Vick is playing. Love of animals and publicly stating such earns Carey point two.
Are there better candidates? No, not that I can think of anyway.
Let me know if you think differently and I'll make sure your opinion counts.
Carson out.
We here at the PIR blog have decided to back Drew Carey. He's already got the job so I don't know what good it will do. We've decided to give full support for Drew in his new endeavor.
Why you ask? Is he good enough? How did you reach this decision?
Well, I watched Letterman last night, just to see him announce it. But the interview didn't start off that way, instead Drew went on for a bit about his love of soccer. Point - Carey.
Secondly he went on to quip that he wont be watching any American football games if Vick is playing. Love of animals and publicly stating such earns Carey point two.
Are there better candidates? No, not that I can think of anyway.
Let me know if you think differently and I'll make sure your opinion counts.
Carson out.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Inside sources...
You heard it here first.
Drew Carey, you know lovable fat guy with glasses, looked surprising like his rival on "the drew carey show" , you know that clown girl who wouldn't fit in a big rig.
Anyway, I'm super-duperly thrilled for Drew. At least McDonald's wont go out of business.
Sorry to rant, just making sure that if Drew wanted to see what press this got, he would be a bit dismayed, maybe enough to drop out of the race. But alas, my kindness wont allow this kind of treatment.
He's not that fat, and I shouldn't target that anyway. He's made me laugh before, but Bob Barker is one not easy to replace. I could think of worse candidates, and better ones, but Drew's alright.
Will I continue, critique his preformance? No, I'm done, save for a good-bye post linking to a few of my favorite things.
In all I wish him well, he's got a hand in the cookie jar of American bliss, and hopefully he'll find that double chocolate chip I left him.
Bon Jour. Carson.
Drew Carey, you know lovable fat guy with glasses, looked surprising like his rival on "the drew carey show" , you know that clown girl who wouldn't fit in a big rig.
Anyway, I'm super-duperly thrilled for Drew. At least McDonald's wont go out of business.
Sorry to rant, just making sure that if Drew wanted to see what press this got, he would be a bit dismayed, maybe enough to drop out of the race. But alas, my kindness wont allow this kind of treatment.
He's not that fat, and I shouldn't target that anyway. He's made me laugh before, but Bob Barker is one not easy to replace. I could think of worse candidates, and better ones, but Drew's alright.
Will I continue, critique his preformance? No, I'm done, save for a good-bye post linking to a few of my favorite things.
In all I wish him well, he's got a hand in the cookie jar of American bliss, and hopefully he'll find that double chocolate chip I left him.
Bon Jour. Carson.
Monday, July 09, 2007
What next?
So, I'm pretty much done with all I can say about PIR. Sure I could probably write an entire encyclopedia on the subject, but sometimes life calls for change.
I'm calling on you all to help me decide what direction to go next. I'll throw out some choices or you can comment with your own.
For those who liked the comics, I may embark on an entire Blog of comics. That's choice 1, please text 'use 1' to 55535 and votes will be tabulated over the next week.*
Choice 2 is an ongoing repository for letters addressed to famous people or popular institutions.
Choice 3 is me taking over Perez Hilton's spot in the growing world of celebrity gossip.
You decide, or help me decide.
Your's Carson.
*please don't actually text, I just wanted to put that in there.
I'm calling on you all to help me decide what direction to go next. I'll throw out some choices or you can comment with your own.
For those who liked the comics, I may embark on an entire Blog of comics. That's choice 1, please text 'use 1' to 55535 and votes will be tabulated over the next week.*
Choice 2 is an ongoing repository for letters addressed to famous people or popular institutions.
Choice 3 is me taking over Perez Hilton's spot in the growing world of celebrity gossip.
You decide, or help me decide.
Your's Carson.
*please don't actually text, I just wanted to put that in there.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Rated G
So in addition to finding out how to post pictures, I've also found out how to get parental ratings to ensure my readers that this place is children friendly. It's bordering on PG because I used hell once, but hell what are you going to do.
If you'd like to check your blog it's http://mingle2.com/blog-rating.
TMZ got an R, so watch out kids and read this instead.
Unfortunately I'll be done soon, but all the material so far is open to all ages. I even snuck a 'dickhole' in there.
Carson out.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Rehab
"They tried to make me go to rehab, I said no no no."*
But I'll lock myself away if Rosie gets The Price.
First, too much controversy, I think this would be a ratings killer. Look, I'm not trying to be disrespectful but like Chappelle said, she wears underwear "with a dickhole in it." That and old people don't have much respect for the 'new'. That's why so much money is spent on advertising home delivery supplements, most grannies won't even try to save themselves the trip.
Also she's a hater. I mean the Rosie vs. Trump thing had it's moments on TMZ, but it's just press. And if you have to insult someone to get press, well then, how are you going to handle The Price? We need prince or princess, someone to delight us with innocence and a certian nobility. Can you provide that Rosie? Yeah, I'm calling you out, comment, I triple dog dare you.
Listen for the trumpets sounding, we'll bring this down wall yet. If you hear Rosie singing, it's all over.
Yours and Yours and Yours, and Mine. Bye.
*Amy Winehouse. (Who incidently I would like a little more if she looked a bit more pleasant. EDIT, maybe I just need another beer?)
But I'll lock myself away if Rosie gets The Price.
First, too much controversy, I think this would be a ratings killer. Look, I'm not trying to be disrespectful but like Chappelle said, she wears underwear "with a dickhole in it." That and old people don't have much respect for the 'new'. That's why so much money is spent on advertising home delivery supplements, most grannies won't even try to save themselves the trip.
Also she's a hater. I mean the Rosie vs. Trump thing had it's moments on TMZ, but it's just press. And if you have to insult someone to get press, well then, how are you going to handle The Price? We need prince or princess, someone to delight us with innocence and a certian nobility. Can you provide that Rosie? Yeah, I'm calling you out, comment, I triple dog dare you.
Listen for the trumpets sounding, we'll bring this down wall yet. If you hear Rosie singing, it's all over.
Yours and Yours and Yours, and Mine. Bye.
*Amy Winehouse. (Who incidently I would like a little more if she looked a bit more pleasant. EDIT, maybe I just need another beer?)
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Overbid.
Sunday, long weekend. Bob's last show was Friday, being also the date of celebrating my birth. Thanks Bob, nice thought, I like the gift.
Numerous people fell, one on stage, one "coming on down". Excitement was high, even with five day waits outside in the midst of that wonderful L.A. air.
It proceeded like most. Nothing to spectacular. One person smuggled in confetti, the stage and audience were washed in it.
Prizes were given, smiles had, people almost wet themselves.
Then Bob said thanks, thanks for inviting him into your home.
What will happen to the PIR blog? Well, as Charlie said after Desmond's predictions, it'll die. Soon in fact, so don't hold onto much hope. The cycle of life. It has to happen. But I'll thank you toward the end.
Till that day.
Numerous people fell, one on stage, one "coming on down". Excitement was high, even with five day waits outside in the midst of that wonderful L.A. air.
It proceeded like most. Nothing to spectacular. One person smuggled in confetti, the stage and audience were washed in it.
Prizes were given, smiles had, people almost wet themselves.
Then Bob said thanks, thanks for inviting him into your home.
What will happen to the PIR blog? Well, as Charlie said after Desmond's predictions, it'll die. Soon in fact, so don't hold onto much hope. The cycle of life. It has to happen. But I'll thank you toward the end.
Till that day.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
By Popular Vote.
I 'heart' Bob t-shirts are becoming cliche in the final hours of The Price. Instead a new wave of Bob centric compliments are reigning contestants row. Today it was "Bob A Licious" and "Bob Barker; the sexiest man alive".
While Bob was flattered, and in no way did these shirts lend influence to contestant placement I'm sure, I'm left wondering who makes up these decisions. I only say this because George Clooney is reputably the "sexiest man alive" but I would really love to throw my hat in the ring.
Some Canadian brought Bob a watch today and bribed his was to contestant row, later getting into the games winning a piano. Should I send someone a watch or a pen set to get on this sexiest list?
I'm trying to be modest here, but again one of the things I love about The Price is the abundance of everyday Americans. Although I might not beat the average American in a fist fight, I like to think mirrors favor me more than most.
So George and Bob, it's on. I'll be up there soon and we can walk the streets getting the popular vote. George, no Armani, it might give you a slight advantage with the gold diggers, and Bob, no puppies, that's just not fair.
While Bob was flattered, and in no way did these shirts lend influence to contestant placement I'm sure, I'm left wondering who makes up these decisions. I only say this because George Clooney is reputably the "sexiest man alive" but I would really love to throw my hat in the ring.
Some Canadian brought Bob a watch today and bribed his was to contestant row, later getting into the games winning a piano. Should I send someone a watch or a pen set to get on this sexiest list?
I'm trying to be modest here, but again one of the things I love about The Price is the abundance of everyday Americans. Although I might not beat the average American in a fist fight, I like to think mirrors favor me more than most.
So George and Bob, it's on. I'll be up there soon and we can walk the streets getting the popular vote. George, no Armani, it might give you a slight advantage with the gold diggers, and Bob, no puppies, that's just not fair.
Clearance!
Today in the first five minutes of PIR prizes included a 2800.00 dollar pool table, then the chance to win three cars. A Chevy compact, a Jeep, and a convertible Mustang.
With only two shows left, that's right last show on friday, Bob and the staff at PIR seem to be clearing the studio for the next new daytime blockbuster. Perhaps they will replace PIR with a marionette style shopping spree gameshow, little do they know I've patented the idea.
I wonder if they will have an auction ala the police ads you see sometimes. I would only make the trip for a hovercraft. A hovercraft or some cheap supplements.
With only two shows left, that's right last show on friday, Bob and the staff at PIR seem to be clearing the studio for the next new daytime blockbuster. Perhaps they will replace PIR with a marionette style shopping spree gameshow, little do they know I've patented the idea.
I wonder if they will have an auction ala the police ads you see sometimes. I would only make the trip for a hovercraft. A hovercraft or some cheap supplements.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
25 steps to 15,000.
Some woman just won a hovercraft on the Price. A personal hovercraft that holds four and from what I understand is worth over fifteen thousand. She was playing cliffhangers*, and landed on the last space available.
Imagine driving a personal hovercraft back from LA down the coast. I wonder if it has a CD player?
*
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cliff_Hangers
Imagine driving a personal hovercraft back from LA down the coast. I wonder if it has a CD player?
*
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cliff_Hangers
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Rachel.
I am not alone. There are PIR fans that could trump me in trivia, pricing and a fist fight all at the same time, any day of the week, any hour of the day. I don't doubt it for one typing moment.
Now I'm not being modest. Today I would've won a catamaran, over three grand in cash, a chair, a power generator and more. All decisions that I made better than those on TV. I was better than all of those contestants and could've beat them in a fist fight too.
Then it's Plinko. A game that isn't playable from home, but yet still survives as a crowd favorite. It's mere mention will boost visitors here by at least five. And the guy playing it knows the game too. He's seen it before and acts astonishingly excited. I've seen it before too, not Plinko, the reaction. This man has yet to impress me, and now I'm sizing him up for that fateful day in the ring.
Then the south paw. He calls a Beauty by name. Even Bob himself is impressed and that's like telling Zeus you just made him a better mount. I'm stunned, thinking 'why don't I know these Beauties' names?' It would certainly come in handy, even at a cocktail party depending on what was on TV.
The man continues, following the standard Plinko probabilities formula to a T, landing all Plinko chips within three spaces from the big money, the ten grand space that you dream about while eating a bagel with coffee. *
But when it got to be his turn, he couldn't conquer the wheel, which leads me to believe he doesn't have a replica in his garage.**
Impressed as I am, I still could've beat him in a fist fight or at least a bocce tourney.
Till that day Ladies and Gents.
*see post re; Plinko strategy. will post link later.***
**see post re; garage wheel. will post link later.***
***EDIT***I don't think the probability one is here, I'll have to repost and the garage wheel has eluded me so far, stay patient.
***EDIT*** Plinko strategy not found. Reposting.
Now I'm not being modest. Today I would've won a catamaran, over three grand in cash, a chair, a power generator and more. All decisions that I made better than those on TV. I was better than all of those contestants and could've beat them in a fist fight too.
Then it's Plinko. A game that isn't playable from home, but yet still survives as a crowd favorite. It's mere mention will boost visitors here by at least five. And the guy playing it knows the game too. He's seen it before and acts astonishingly excited. I've seen it before too, not Plinko, the reaction. This man has yet to impress me, and now I'm sizing him up for that fateful day in the ring.
Then the south paw. He calls a Beauty by name. Even Bob himself is impressed and that's like telling Zeus you just made him a better mount. I'm stunned, thinking 'why don't I know these Beauties' names?' It would certainly come in handy, even at a cocktail party depending on what was on TV.
The man continues, following the standard Plinko probabilities formula to a T, landing all Plinko chips within three spaces from the big money, the ten grand space that you dream about while eating a bagel with coffee. *
But when it got to be his turn, he couldn't conquer the wheel, which leads me to believe he doesn't have a replica in his garage.**
Impressed as I am, I still could've beat him in a fist fight or at least a bocce tourney.
Till that day Ladies and Gents.
*see post re; Plinko strategy. will post link later.***
**see post re; garage wheel. will post link later.***
***EDIT***I don't think the probability one is here, I'll have to repost and the garage wheel has eluded me so far, stay patient.
***EDIT*** Plinko strategy not found. Reposting.
The Price is Right 7/6/06
Current mood: Enlightened
Today on The Price is Right... PLINKO!!!
It's been awhile since I've seen this game, but it is one of my favorites. Probably due to the simplicity, not unlike my addiction to roulette while in Vegas. All you have to do is drop your Plinko chip into the board, consisting of pegs and Plexiglas, and wait. It ends when your chip hits the bottom with prizes of zero dollars to ten large. Done perfectly you could walk fifty grand up. Bob explained this with much anticipation, all the while knowing in his heart no one has ever done this in the history of The Price is Right.
This morning was far from perfect, a fraction of the fifty grand and not even a sliver of excitement for the crowd.
The contestant did well winning his 4 extra Plinko chips by guessing the prices of a compact washer, a set of binoculars and two other prizes that have escaped me. However his luck ended there. He stood five Plinko chips up and a chance at Fifty grand. He walked after hitting four zero's and a five hundred dollar mark. Ten percent of where he could have been.
As a new part of my Price is Right updates, I've decided to concentrate on a more enlightening aspect of this rambling. Far better than entertainment, I'm going to teach you the best way to win at Plinko. Apparently the best strategy is to drop the Plinko chip between the fourth and fifth pegs to the left of the plink board. This will optimize your chances of winning the impossible five grand.
Although you may not win it all, you'll look a lot better than the sap this morning. Good luck and good night.
(resource- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plinko)
***
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Montreal
So I'm curious how many times a one dollar bet pays off. It seems often, but also means that the other three players have to hurdle the price and that you have to be in a good position. Any card players read this? It's like limping in on a big blind or having a position right of the dealer and a lot of people folding. You might not have anything, not a pair of twos or any frame of reference for the price of a toaster/egg boiler / radio combo, but it doesn't matter. You could've played it blind, not known about the twos or the toaster /egg boiler / radio combo, all you needed to know is that the three suckers next to you have already taken themselves out of the game.
Someone just said 'hi' to a Carson, but it was his son and I don't think it was my dad. Unless he was trying to win me a PIR car for my birthday. If it was him, he screwed up on the wheel and my chances are through. Good effort Pops.
Montreal? Who wants a trip to Montreal?
Someone just said 'hi' to a Carson, but it was his son and I don't think it was my dad. Unless he was trying to win me a PIR car for my birthday. If it was him, he screwed up on the wheel and my chances are through. Good effort Pops.
Montreal? Who wants a trip to Montreal?
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Putter.
Someone stole Bob's putter and then returned it out of shame. And then Bob made the very first inspiration put after getting it back.
You're still going to hell buddy, you stole Bob's putter. And besides, The Creator is a PIR fan. I bet he's money on the showcase showdowns.
You're still going to hell buddy, you stole Bob's putter. And besides, The Creator is a PIR fan. I bet he's money on the showcase showdowns.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
PLINKO!!!!!
So I don't think they've played this today, but they had a dog up for adoption in LA county named Plinko. A cute little black lab pup. So, all you LA readers, go to your local shelter and pick up Plinko, or another friendly companion of the like.
Also someone just won ten dollars on PIR. That's got to be a record.
Getting on to the Million Dollar Special, I don't think the producers wanted to toss a million dollars to the public without some return and with Bob Barker no longer presiding I'm sure they were trying to pinch pennies. That or people just suck at PIR.
It's really the wheel, but someone somewhere has to have that wheel down. I'm sure a full scale model exists in some pole barn in Montana and Jeb's morning routine is at least a hundred spins with coffee. Just enough to keep up the skills while waiting to win on scratch off's so he can afford the plane ticket.
Maybe.
Anyway, if you didn't catch last night, you didn't miss much. A lot of cars and crazy prices, but I wish they had a parade or something.
Also, tonight is a tribute to Bob Barker, just in case you were wondering, till that day.
Also someone just won ten dollars on PIR. That's got to be a record.
Getting on to the Million Dollar Special, I don't think the producers wanted to toss a million dollars to the public without some return and with Bob Barker no longer presiding I'm sure they were trying to pinch pennies. That or people just suck at PIR.
It's really the wheel, but someone somewhere has to have that wheel down. I'm sure a full scale model exists in some pole barn in Montana and Jeb's morning routine is at least a hundred spins with coffee. Just enough to keep up the skills while waiting to win on scratch off's so he can afford the plane ticket.
Maybe.
Anyway, if you didn't catch last night, you didn't miss much. A lot of cars and crazy prices, but I wish they had a parade or something.
Also, tonight is a tribute to Bob Barker, just in case you were wondering, till that day.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Million Dollar Showcase!!!
Except the channel is on set to America's Next Top Model... O.K. we're fine.
Back to a showcase devoted to Bob's past, mentioning a town my car broke down in on the way to Cali.
Dude is bidding way low.
Gal, you're up...
She basically did the one dollar over move, we'll see how it holds up.
And he's over, meaning I shouldn't play this game seriously, or stake my life on it.
More updates soon.
Back to a showcase devoted to Bob's past, mentioning a town my car broke down in on the way to Cali.
Dude is bidding way low.
Gal, you're up...
She basically did the one dollar over move, we'll see how it holds up.
And he's over, meaning I shouldn't play this game seriously, or stake my life on it.
More updates soon.
Don't call it a comeback...
... We've been here for years.
Two winners, a car a piece.
A now some woman has a "will neuter for plinko chips" shirt.
What will the showcases hold? I bet the moon alice, the moon.
Two winners, a car a piece.
A now some woman has a "will neuter for plinko chips" shirt.
What will the showcases hold? I bet the moon alice, the moon.
Half Million Losers, a 1/2 time update
Million dollar special minute twenty-six.
And not one winner. A Dodge Viper, a Lincoln, a million dollars, and no winners.
Sure some girl got a motorcycle, a gemstone, but as for a last million dollar special...
well we're only halfway through.
And not one winner. A Dodge Viper, a Lincoln, a million dollars, and no winners.
Sure some girl got a motorcycle, a gemstone, but as for a last million dollar special...
well we're only halfway through.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Actual Retail Price is...
Bob just got kissed by a man. I've fallen victim of inattentiveness. And the actual retail price is....
First off, this guy on stage as I type is wearing a "bob I need a job" shirt and I'm wishing I'd thought of it first. He blew his chances when he kissed Bob I reckon. Bob, from all my sources*, likes the ladies. At this point I think he'd be happy being a CBS janitor, or as some refer; a workman.
Also, as some of you may have noticed, my blog is ripe with errors, grammitical and informational. I apologize, I'm not as s.m.r.t. as I would have lead you all to believe. Please let me know if I need to clarify anything. I could make excuses, but I've got a beer to finish.
And the actual retail price is.... a Million Dollars. That's a lot of McDonald's dollar snack parfaits. A lot. Like over a thousand. And that's what one lucky soul could possibly win on Bob's last primetime spectacular.
Last? That's like saying Leonard Skynard will have a final concert. We all know that Leonard Skynard will be doing the state fair circut well into the year of our (or my) lord 2172. Bob's last? or is it?
You decide at www.voteforbobbarkersretirementprimetimelastshowpurplewednesday.com
Have fun peeps, I'll see you all soon.
* www.tmz.com
First off, this guy on stage as I type is wearing a "bob I need a job" shirt and I'm wishing I'd thought of it first. He blew his chances when he kissed Bob I reckon. Bob, from all my sources*, likes the ladies. At this point I think he'd be happy being a CBS janitor, or as some refer; a workman.
Also, as some of you may have noticed, my blog is ripe with errors, grammitical and informational. I apologize, I'm not as s.m.r.t. as I would have lead you all to believe. Please let me know if I need to clarify anything. I could make excuses, but I've got a beer to finish.
And the actual retail price is.... a Million Dollars. That's a lot of McDonald's dollar snack parfaits. A lot. Like over a thousand. And that's what one lucky soul could possibly win on Bob's last primetime spectacular.
Last? That's like saying Leonard Skynard will have a final concert. We all know that Leonard Skynard will be doing the state fair circut well into the year of our (or my) lord 2172. Bob's last? or is it?
You decide at www.voteforbobbarkersretirementprimetimelastshowpurplewednesday.com
Have fun peeps, I'll see you all soon.
* www.tmz.com
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
A million dollars.
This wednesday a million dollars Price is Right spectacular! That's tomorrow folks [edit; this is 5/16/07 and thurday 5 /17/07, unemployment has my days a bit off] sorry for the late post, but I thought you would want to know. You will also note that this may coincide with LOST, which would be a non-point. I like The Show (I may actually start calling The Price The Show, as if no other exists) but a Dharma background is too tempting. I hope your on before ten Bob.
On Thursday however there is a 50 year Bob Barker tribute. Surely St. Peter is going to hear about this.
Today on The Show, regretfully, I noticed it's slipping.
Hey, wait a minute.... cut it out. ( Someone is throwing stones at the studio, hold on I have to call security.)
..
..
..
Now, please, if I didn't bring you the truth I'd be a sniveling booster. Nothing more than a CBS run newpaper acting more like a brochure. So I must with any integrity toward broadcast or blogcast standards tell you the downs as well as the ups, it's a roller coaster baby hang on.
So first the big wheel wasn't making it's regular clicking noise and I guess this isn't an apocalyptic failure, no one is getting fired. But if you wake up listing for that sound like a melodic morning parakeet or a lover's gentle kiss, you tend to miss it. (I'm not saying this is me, I'm just saying there's probably at least one person out there right, it's a big world.)
Second Bob didn't fully explain a game today, it was a simple error and he corrected himself. The crowd was shouting and a nervous contestant could've missed it. I believe it to be the cause of loss. But he was on screen with Bob and Bob was maybe just nervous because of the future.
We'll forgive you, but if this is how they're going to run it when your gone, I might have to find another 'The Show.'
I don't know what though. Someone just won both showcases, thirty-one dollars off. Round of applause, I'll talk to you all soon.
On Thursday however there is a 50 year Bob Barker tribute. Surely St. Peter is going to hear about this.
Today on The Show, regretfully, I noticed it's slipping.
Hey, wait a minute.... cut it out. ( Someone is throwing stones at the studio, hold on I have to call security.)
..
..
..
Now, please, if I didn't bring you the truth I'd be a sniveling booster. Nothing more than a CBS run newpaper acting more like a brochure. So I must with any integrity toward broadcast or blogcast standards tell you the downs as well as the ups, it's a roller coaster baby hang on.
So first the big wheel wasn't making it's regular clicking noise and I guess this isn't an apocalyptic failure, no one is getting fired. But if you wake up listing for that sound like a melodic morning parakeet or a lover's gentle kiss, you tend to miss it. (I'm not saying this is me, I'm just saying there's probably at least one person out there right, it's a big world.)
Second Bob didn't fully explain a game today, it was a simple error and he corrected himself. The crowd was shouting and a nervous contestant could've missed it. I believe it to be the cause of loss. But he was on screen with Bob and Bob was maybe just nervous because of the future.
We'll forgive you, but if this is how they're going to run it when your gone, I might have to find another 'The Show.'
I don't know what though. Someone just won both showcases, thirty-one dollars off. Round of applause, I'll talk to you all soon.
Monday, May 07, 2007
What dos thou bid?
Morning, it's me again, first day of what a friend refers to as early retirement. I didn't have to go to work today, which allows me a certain amount of face time with my television.
(editor's note; imagine a pearly gate scene where St. Peter is reading through my dossier and trying to make the idol judgment call, "well carson, you did get a bit carried away with that whole PIR thing a bit back.")
I should be doing something productive; filing for unemployment, setting up my new computer, laundry, beach, cleaning. But please, I'll have plenty of time for all of that.
Really I want to see this girl win...... A NEW CAR!!!
But it's a ford, so maybe I don't care too much.
She's not going to win anyway, she relies on the crowd too much, thinks society is going to pull her through, and that's faith ladies and gentlemen. Did it work, no, why would it? Half the fun of gambling is losing, well 51% if your lucky, and PIR goes the same way, it's just as fun (if not more fun) to see them lose. It falls under the whole, 'How would you appreciate the sun without the night" theory.
("I didn't mean it Peter, it was a joke, something I did more for my amusement than others, I mean Bob's not really God is he? Cause if he is I don't want him to hold any of this against me. I like old people and puppies. I swear. And I never said anything about the old man that was intentionally hurtful. Never.")
I'll leave you with some questions, (,not are you going to make it into heaven, that one's a humdinger. )
First, are they going to change the commercial format once these baby boomer's kick? Like Mickey's 40s for the college crowd, or anti-depressants rather than supplements.
Second, where's the after party? Because I think that would also be a humdinger.
And lastly, what's the best Price prize you can possibly think of? I'm going to make a list, and I bet mine is better than yours. I'll bet a personalized PIR against a faked comment about me going to George Clooney's party last night.
Until then, stay flossy.
Flossy, flossy.
(editor's note; imagine a pearly gate scene where St. Peter is reading through my dossier and trying to make the idol judgment call, "well carson, you did get a bit carried away with that whole PIR thing a bit back.")
I should be doing something productive; filing for unemployment, setting up my new computer, laundry, beach, cleaning. But please, I'll have plenty of time for all of that.
Really I want to see this girl win...... A NEW CAR!!!
But it's a ford, so maybe I don't care too much.
She's not going to win anyway, she relies on the crowd too much, thinks society is going to pull her through, and that's faith ladies and gentlemen. Did it work, no, why would it? Half the fun of gambling is losing, well 51% if your lucky, and PIR goes the same way, it's just as fun (if not more fun) to see them lose. It falls under the whole, 'How would you appreciate the sun without the night" theory.
("I didn't mean it Peter, it was a joke, something I did more for my amusement than others, I mean Bob's not really God is he? Cause if he is I don't want him to hold any of this against me. I like old people and puppies. I swear. And I never said anything about the old man that was intentionally hurtful. Never.")
I'll leave you with some questions, (,not are you going to make it into heaven, that one's a humdinger. )
First, are they going to change the commercial format once these baby boomer's kick? Like Mickey's 40s for the college crowd, or anti-depressants rather than supplements.
Second, where's the after party? Because I think that would also be a humdinger.
And lastly, what's the best Price prize you can possibly think of? I'm going to make a list, and I bet mine is better than yours. I'll bet a personalized PIR against a faked comment about me going to George Clooney's party last night.
Until then, stay flossy.
Flossy, flossy.
Friday, May 04, 2007
Patience Please
I'm sorry for the lack of posting. I was in transition from a job to not having a job. I have no job as I type and listen to the wonderful sound of the "Big Wheel" on the television next to me.
Not today, but soon, I will post a plethora of PIR posts. I will continue such traditions as 'retirement scenarios' and 'minute by minute' updates, possibly even the second coming of the comic strips ala PIR.
But I have to run today, wont finish watching The Price unfortunately and therefor cannot blog much more on the subject today. Wait until next week, I promise I'll post then.
Til that time enjoy the sunshine, your family / friends, and everything else that makes this such a wonderful world. (Imagine Louis signing it, it even sounds wonderful.)
Peace Ya'll.
Not today, but soon, I will post a plethora of PIR posts. I will continue such traditions as 'retirement scenarios' and 'minute by minute' updates, possibly even the second coming of the comic strips ala PIR.
But I have to run today, wont finish watching The Price unfortunately and therefor cannot blog much more on the subject today. Wait until next week, I promise I'll post then.
Til that time enjoy the sunshine, your family / friends, and everything else that makes this such a wonderful world. (Imagine Louis signing it, it even sounds wonderful.)
Peace Ya'll.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
PIR Vonnegut Tribute.
And I was just going to give up my chances as a candidate for new host to have Kurt Vonnegut move into the position.
Listen, he was old, so he's got that factor. Witty, so the entertainment factor is there, and also a biting sarcasm that would go over most 50 year old's heads but would land on my ears like music or a sunscreen song. ( I know, I know.)
Could you imagine a showcase showdown full of Pall Malls and Ice 9? A trip to Tralfamadore or an artistic rendering of a butthole? No two artistic renderings of buttholes!
I say.
But alas the old man is dead and gone. And his website with him.
Imagine.
Anyway he wouldn't have wanted to do it. He was a cynic and would've been fired for laughing at contestants that lost. And as much as I would find this funny, Sally Mae and Art Enkel up at the retirement home wouldn't be choking on their pills with laughter I'm sure.
A person once said to me that we shouldn't read Vonnegut because the issues addressed are too big to relate with and that any good story should be about something personal, like a high school graduation ring. I disagree.
This is all an experiment to see how I can occupy myself writing. When it ends maybe I'll blog about transistor radios or blenders or something else mundane. Seldom will I address something as important as today.
Till Then. "Hi ho."
Listen, he was old, so he's got that factor. Witty, so the entertainment factor is there, and also a biting sarcasm that would go over most 50 year old's heads but would land on my ears like music or a sunscreen song. ( I know, I know.)
Could you imagine a showcase showdown full of Pall Malls and Ice 9? A trip to Tralfamadore or an artistic rendering of a butthole? No two artistic renderings of buttholes!
I say.
But alas the old man is dead and gone. And his website with him.
Imagine.
Anyway he wouldn't have wanted to do it. He was a cynic and would've been fired for laughing at contestants that lost. And as much as I would find this funny, Sally Mae and Art Enkel up at the retirement home wouldn't be choking on their pills with laughter I'm sure.
A person once said to me that we shouldn't read Vonnegut because the issues addressed are too big to relate with and that any good story should be about something personal, like a high school graduation ring. I disagree.
This is all an experiment to see how I can occupy myself writing. When it ends maybe I'll blog about transistor radios or blenders or something else mundane. Seldom will I address something as important as today.
Till Then. "Hi ho."
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Luck and By the Grace of God.
Thank you. Thank you for everything who ever you are.
I'm home watching The Price. Again thank you.
Bob just paid a woman dressed like a blue jacketed cardinal. Feathers, screeching and all. Bob just paid her five hundred to leave him alone. She continued jumping around, but hasn't tackled him as of yet.
Yesterday I won an IPOD, last thursday a Schwinn beachcrusier.
Silly pasty [edit-Patsy], the answer was lower, no golf clubs and car for you. Take the five hundred and buy a powerchair. Decorate it with flowers.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
------
Benjamin come on down.
A new freezer chest. It looks like it could hold a cow, or deer, or moose for those northern readers.
1900. Kevin- 675, Alexander -420, girl- something
The price was five hundred something, seems like a theme today. Alexander won.
He can win a motorcycle and arcade game. It's a ton of old school games in one, I bet I would win at "ice hockey" or "pro wrestling", but he might have me beat in "techmo bowl."
Bob just asked, "what sayeth thou" in regards to switching prices or leaving them as is.
He switched and lost. I think I'd beat him at PIR too.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
________
Wheel spinning, he just threatened to leave the show if the bird wins. We missed the first contestant, but I'll mention her if she wins.
Alex is out. Over spun.
Apparently the first contestant is saying hi to her husband, daughter and son. So sweet.
I'm with Bob, I hope the bird goes over. She got five cents. Then fifteen cents. She's out. I'll have to figure out the firsts name in the showcase.
COMMERCIAL
________
So the IPOD and Schwinn. Both in drawings, not pricing games. Work and a bar. The Tilted Stick, drink there if you're ever out here. They are nice. I'm sure I'll be there.
On the bidding table. A coffee maker and soup.
WEAK.
A 0-1 bid won. That's where the last contestant bids one dollar over the previous.
Kevin has 16 grand in front of him to win. Some game to do with six ordinary grocery items. What will he do. Oh, he has to price them all to win the 16 grand.
The first for 1000, and on. He might have messed up on the supplement price, but I'm trying to watch and write. This is tough.
Results. Apparently this contestants dad treats PIR like I treat LOST. Supposedly he tells his wife to shutup if she interrupts.
He got the first grand. Now for two. He won. He's going for 4000. Won again. 8000 now.
He decided to quit and take the 4000. Would he have won more? No, the cat food was mis-priced.
______
I forgot to say COMMERCIAL. But this is a virgin experiment, bear with me.
Bidding on a wooden and iron bar cabinet. Looks regal.
Ohhh, and meet Sophie, she is up for adoption somewhere in Pasadena. If you can't get out to Pasadena, you can find a lovely companion in a shelter near you.
Lindsey just won the bidding.
A new car!!!! (I need to employ more of these '!' to convey the mood.)
She needs the first two and the last two numbers of the car.
She found the first two. Now the second. Missed again, one more miss and she's out.
She did it! She Won! A new car! It's her birthday! For real 18! Yeah!
COMMERCIAL
___________
Back to the last win while on commercial, does it seem odd to give a newly 18 year old girl a car and a bar cabinet? I'm puzzled.
Alright it's back on.
to bid; A new digital camera.
Amanda won. She looking at knives, luggage, a model ship and home gym system.
I'd rather have a car. Or 16 grand. Or the five bills the bird got.
The game is poker themed. She won with a pair of nines, no wait four nines.
SHOWDOWN NEXT. STAY TUNED.
_______________
Whose it going to be Kevin, Lindsey or Amanda.
Kevin's sitting pretty with 90 cents.
Lindsey has 60 cents.
She's over.
Looks like Kevin and 'nameless so far' in the Showcase.
COMMERCIAL.
___________
Kevin is top winner. Pamela is second. Pamela is the prior mentioned 'nameless so far'.
Kevin has his choice, bid or pass.
Let's see it.
A trip to Hawaii, air fair, 5 night stay at the Kauai resort. It's a Marriot. Next, a new hot tub. And a new truck. Ford ranger XL, silver.
Pass or bid? Bidding for his prior mentioned father. 27000 even.
Pamela?
A new day bed. Brass and beige cover. Complete with mattresses. Next, a guitar. Possibly that plays itself? And a waverunner. Trailer included.
Bid- 20000.
Predictions?
I think she's over and he's under by 3000-4000.
COMMERCIAL.
___________
Kevin is over, it was 25000. I would've lost too.
Pamela won with 20787. She's close and good. And I was off again.
Please correct those pets from breeding. And have a good day.
Thanks radio... I mean web-land. Thanks contestants, readers, writers and speakers. Thanks random "I'm at home watching The Price" moments."
Till next time.
I'm home watching The Price. Again thank you.
Bob just paid a woman dressed like a blue jacketed cardinal. Feathers, screeching and all. Bob just paid her five hundred to leave him alone. She continued jumping around, but hasn't tackled him as of yet.
Yesterday I won an IPOD, last thursday a Schwinn beachcrusier.
Silly pasty [edit-Patsy], the answer was lower, no golf clubs and car for you. Take the five hundred and buy a powerchair. Decorate it with flowers.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
------
Benjamin come on down.
A new freezer chest. It looks like it could hold a cow, or deer, or moose for those northern readers.
1900. Kevin- 675, Alexander -420, girl- something
The price was five hundred something, seems like a theme today. Alexander won.
He can win a motorcycle and arcade game. It's a ton of old school games in one, I bet I would win at "ice hockey" or "pro wrestling", but he might have me beat in "techmo bowl."
Bob just asked, "what sayeth thou" in regards to switching prices or leaving them as is.
He switched and lost. I think I'd beat him at PIR too.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
________
Wheel spinning, he just threatened to leave the show if the bird wins. We missed the first contestant, but I'll mention her if she wins.
Alex is out. Over spun.
Apparently the first contestant is saying hi to her husband, daughter and son. So sweet.
I'm with Bob, I hope the bird goes over. She got five cents. Then fifteen cents. She's out. I'll have to figure out the firsts name in the showcase.
COMMERCIAL
________
So the IPOD and Schwinn. Both in drawings, not pricing games. Work and a bar. The Tilted Stick, drink there if you're ever out here. They are nice. I'm sure I'll be there.
On the bidding table. A coffee maker and soup.
WEAK.
A 0-1 bid won. That's where the last contestant bids one dollar over the previous.
Kevin has 16 grand in front of him to win. Some game to do with six ordinary grocery items. What will he do. Oh, he has to price them all to win the 16 grand.
The first for 1000, and on. He might have messed up on the supplement price, but I'm trying to watch and write. This is tough.
Results. Apparently this contestants dad treats PIR like I treat LOST. Supposedly he tells his wife to shutup if she interrupts.
He got the first grand. Now for two. He won. He's going for 4000. Won again. 8000 now.
He decided to quit and take the 4000. Would he have won more? No, the cat food was mis-priced.
______
I forgot to say COMMERCIAL. But this is a virgin experiment, bear with me.
Bidding on a wooden and iron bar cabinet. Looks regal.
Ohhh, and meet Sophie, she is up for adoption somewhere in Pasadena. If you can't get out to Pasadena, you can find a lovely companion in a shelter near you.
Lindsey just won the bidding.
A new car!!!! (I need to employ more of these '!' to convey the mood.)
She needs the first two and the last two numbers of the car.
She found the first two. Now the second. Missed again, one more miss and she's out.
She did it! She Won! A new car! It's her birthday! For real 18! Yeah!
COMMERCIAL
___________
Back to the last win while on commercial, does it seem odd to give a newly 18 year old girl a car and a bar cabinet? I'm puzzled.
Alright it's back on.
to bid; A new digital camera.
Amanda won. She looking at knives, luggage, a model ship and home gym system.
I'd rather have a car. Or 16 grand. Or the five bills the bird got.
The game is poker themed. She won with a pair of nines, no wait four nines.
SHOWDOWN NEXT. STAY TUNED.
_______________
Whose it going to be Kevin, Lindsey or Amanda.
Kevin's sitting pretty with 90 cents.
Lindsey has 60 cents.
She's over.
Looks like Kevin and 'nameless so far' in the Showcase.
COMMERCIAL.
___________
Kevin is top winner. Pamela is second. Pamela is the prior mentioned 'nameless so far'.
Kevin has his choice, bid or pass.
Let's see it.
A trip to Hawaii, air fair, 5 night stay at the Kauai resort. It's a Marriot. Next, a new hot tub. And a new truck. Ford ranger XL, silver.
Pass or bid? Bidding for his prior mentioned father. 27000 even.
Pamela?
A new day bed. Brass and beige cover. Complete with mattresses. Next, a guitar. Possibly that plays itself? And a waverunner. Trailer included.
Bid- 20000.
Predictions?
I think she's over and he's under by 3000-4000.
COMMERCIAL.
___________
Kevin is over, it was 25000. I would've lost too.
Pamela won with 20787. She's close and good. And I was off again.
Please correct those pets from breeding. And have a good day.
Thanks radio... I mean web-land. Thanks contestants, readers, writers and speakers. Thanks random "I'm at home watching The Price" moments."
Till next time.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
PIR UPDATES...
Hey out there in Radio Land, it's a new day and maybe I'll do a new post.
This PIR thing is getting too big, everyday I see new people trying to jump on the PIR bandwagon, well there's not room bastards. You can take your 'pimp' Bob Barker shirts and go to hell. He's not some product to be guessed at and given away! He's a human being, if you over price him will he not feel cheated? If underbid won't his pride be challenged? If Chuck Barris shot him, would he not bleed?
Wouldn't he, wouldn't he???????
Dammit people listen, this is no joke. I want no Bob Barker action figures. No Commando Bob, with camo pants and microphone gun- No Moon-Base Bob, with gravitational slacks and moon based hair gel- No Action Now Bob, complete with ladder to save pets in burning houses and dog whistle microphone- No Retirement Bob complete with martini glass and pool side lounge girl.....
....wait, that last one might be cool.
No, no, no. That's the devil making me say that. Really Bob Barker is a person complete with feelings and emotions and self appreciation. And if he saw himself as a product everyday he might try to overdose on supplement.
But I did see an inspiring Barker reference on Post Secret. Which may not be totally appropriate for some work areas ( a bit of artful nudity.) And while I don't agree in a strict sense, I did find it funny. It'll only be there until 3/24/07, so check fast, or I'll try to repost it here someday.
www.postsecret.com
Till then, this is Carson at the PIR Blog saying, "bye."
This PIR thing is getting too big, everyday I see new people trying to jump on the PIR bandwagon, well there's not room bastards. You can take your 'pimp' Bob Barker shirts and go to hell. He's not some product to be guessed at and given away! He's a human being, if you over price him will he not feel cheated? If underbid won't his pride be challenged? If Chuck Barris shot him, would he not bleed?
Wouldn't he, wouldn't he???????
Dammit people listen, this is no joke. I want no Bob Barker action figures. No Commando Bob, with camo pants and microphone gun- No Moon-Base Bob, with gravitational slacks and moon based hair gel- No Action Now Bob, complete with ladder to save pets in burning houses and dog whistle microphone- No Retirement Bob complete with martini glass and pool side lounge girl.....
....wait, that last one might be cool.
No, no, no. That's the devil making me say that. Really Bob Barker is a person complete with feelings and emotions and self appreciation. And if he saw himself as a product everyday he might try to overdose on supplement.
But I did see an inspiring Barker reference on Post Secret. Which may not be totally appropriate for some work areas ( a bit of artful nudity.) And while I don't agree in a strict sense, I did find it funny. It'll only be there until 3/24/07, so check fast, or I'll try to repost it here someday.
www.postsecret.com
Till then, this is Carson at the PIR Blog saying, "bye."
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
PIR Horoscope # 3 of ... ( at least 3)
Minerva was delighted to hear from me today. She's been staying up all night drinking Night Train and trying to chase out the March demons, which have plagued her since a car accident in March of 1998. It was a collision between a nightingale and a riding lawn mower, the lawn mower shot pieces of the nightingale all over Minerva's windshield, subsequently she ran into a tree.
She says the nightingale has haunted her dreams every March since and the only remedy she has found is a heavy dose of seclusion coupled with gallons of Night Train.
She sounded a bit off today, but when don't astrologers seem a bit off?
Anyway, she wants to go out drinking and started rambling about the bars in her area and what kind of people go there and how expensive the drinks are.
Normally my favorite topic, I unfortunately had to get her to focus.
So I said " dammit Minerva focus, focus, focus, I'm not spending two dollars and ninety-nine cents a minute to hear drunk stories, I need the future dammit and I need it now!"
So she agreed to do Stacey's horoscope, but I think my excessive use of 'dammit' might have skewed the results, here you go anyway.
Stacey- The events of July 7th 2007 will work against a Pisces, causing an exaggeration of emotions that will cause a downward spiral unless help is sought. You'll gain confidence knowing close friends will be there to help, as is common in a Pig sign. Will anybody else be feeling similar?* You might consider sending a card.
Kind of brief, but always to the point.
Thanks again participants, Minerva, Sylvia and all those of you out there in radio land.
Stay tuned.
*I think she's talking about Bob Barker.
She says the nightingale has haunted her dreams every March since and the only remedy she has found is a heavy dose of seclusion coupled with gallons of Night Train.
She sounded a bit off today, but when don't astrologers seem a bit off?
Anyway, she wants to go out drinking and started rambling about the bars in her area and what kind of people go there and how expensive the drinks are.
Normally my favorite topic, I unfortunately had to get her to focus.
So I said " dammit Minerva focus, focus, focus, I'm not spending two dollars and ninety-nine cents a minute to hear drunk stories, I need the future dammit and I need it now!"
So she agreed to do Stacey's horoscope, but I think my excessive use of 'dammit' might have skewed the results, here you go anyway.
Stacey- The events of July 7th 2007 will work against a Pisces, causing an exaggeration of emotions that will cause a downward spiral unless help is sought. You'll gain confidence knowing close friends will be there to help, as is common in a Pig sign. Will anybody else be feeling similar?* You might consider sending a card.
Kind of brief, but always to the point.
Thanks again participants, Minerva, Sylvia and all those of you out there in radio land.
Stay tuned.
*I think she's talking about Bob Barker.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
PIR Horoscopes part 2 of .... (at least 2)
I spoke briefly with Sylvia during lunch, a enlightened tarot reader who works with Minerva, and she drew a 3 card spread for me detailing the 7th of July, 2007.
For those unfamiliar with a 3 card spread, the first card is designated to the current situation, the second to the action or course to be taken, the third to the newly developed situation.
For me, Sylvia drew the 13th major arcana- death, the 4 of swords and the King of cups. She briefly explained the general meanings to me and left any interpretation to my own undoing.
The death card symbolizes a time of change, not that I'm going to die. Do not panic.
The 4 of swords designates a time to slow down, take rest or recoup.
The King of cups is likely noting a time to break new ground and or seek self improvement.
Now the interpretation. Seems easy enough, but I've got two.
1- Taking over Bob's position at retirement. Death- Bob retiring. 4 of Swords- his own rest, King of Cups- Myself moving into prominence as Bob's successor.
2- The end of the PIR blog. Death- Changing subjects as PIR with B.B. will be no more, 4 of sword- taking time away from the blog due to inactivity, King of Cups- Finding some equally entertaining subject for which to amaze the world.
I'm torn, but who said divination was easy?
Till that day.
-C.
PIR Horoscopes Part 1 of ....
The verdict is in.. Guilty. Just kidding, Innocent!
I don't know really, but what I don't know could fill all the space between the stars in the sky. That's why I have Minerva, whom I spoke to this morning regarding Nate and Kristin's horoscopes for 7/7/07. Minerva did say "anything in the mighty cosmos could change the delicate nature of these readings, but the overall tone of the day should be well conveyed to those you've chosen worthy."
I didn't mention that those were the only two who responded, but I don't think it would have changed her readings. So here we go.*
Kristin-
"Being of an analytical mind, one of criticism and fussiness within the Virgo sign, you will be inclined to write a thousand letters for a thousand days in regards to Bob Barker's retirement, but the Monkey in you craves mischief. Can you find a way to present your ideas so they will not be ignored?"
Nate-
"Taurus is dominated by patience and loyalty so being a shoulder to cry on seems a likely occupation on the 7th of July 2007, but Bob Barker is a celebrity so you must not become jealous if you are not the only supporter. Instead, using the Monkey in you, find a way to invent the best hugging machine ever. Maybe Bob Barker will feel good enough to continue the show, or you might make a million dollars."
So there you go, Thanks again to Minerva, Nate and Kristin. You're all the best. I might let you guys in on my Tarot reading for the 7th from Sylvia (Minerva doesn't dabble in tarot), but it's kind of personal. (Yes, you can argue that no one reads this so personal schmersonal, and I would probably agree.)
Till that day. -C
p.s. 50 post mark! Special thanks to Alex, all the loyal readers of the PIR blog and lastly but not leastly myself.
I don't know really, but what I don't know could fill all the space between the stars in the sky. That's why I have Minerva, whom I spoke to this morning regarding Nate and Kristin's horoscopes for 7/7/07. Minerva did say "anything in the mighty cosmos could change the delicate nature of these readings, but the overall tone of the day should be well conveyed to those you've chosen worthy."
I didn't mention that those were the only two who responded, but I don't think it would have changed her readings. So here we go.*
Kristin-
"Being of an analytical mind, one of criticism and fussiness within the Virgo sign, you will be inclined to write a thousand letters for a thousand days in regards to Bob Barker's retirement, but the Monkey in you craves mischief. Can you find a way to present your ideas so they will not be ignored?"
Nate-
"Taurus is dominated by patience and loyalty so being a shoulder to cry on seems a likely occupation on the 7th of July 2007, but Bob Barker is a celebrity so you must not become jealous if you are not the only supporter. Instead, using the Monkey in you, find a way to invent the best hugging machine ever. Maybe Bob Barker will feel good enough to continue the show, or you might make a million dollars."
So there you go, Thanks again to Minerva, Nate and Kristin. You're all the best. I might let you guys in on my Tarot reading for the 7th from Sylvia (Minerva doesn't dabble in tarot), but it's kind of personal. (Yes, you can argue that no one reads this so personal schmersonal, and I would probably agree.)
Till that day. -C
p.s. 50 post mark! Special thanks to Alex, all the loyal readers of the PIR blog and lastly but not leastly myself.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Horoscopes and Minerva
UPDATE TO ANNOUNCEMENT!
I called Minerva this morning to confirm just how many extra minutes I have built up from long hours of astrological examination. The number turned out to be 437 minutes. Now I don't know how many hours that it, but it's a lot. So I'm giving them to you eccentric websurfer, bored computer specialist, lame high school kid with only online friends. This one is for you.
Minerva told me I would only have good days this week if the date included a 2,5 or 7, or if I ate an apple at six in the morning on off days, or if a trans continental walk in the park was heavily considered over the next moons. Whatever the hell that all means.
But she did agree to do a general horoscopes providing I provide the names, signs or years to her. So get them to me if you can. She also said that the 17th might prove difficult across the board, as anxiety is going to be increased by some force, I forgot what she called it specifically.
Stay tuned.
*EDIT* I've used about 75 minutes of my time to appeal the 17th decision and Minerva has taken it upon herself to change the entire feeling of the week in an effort to push the bad mojo from the 17th to the 22nd, which she assured me would happen. So I apologize if you've canceled your spa treatments due to the previous post, hopefully you didn't reschedule it for the 22nd.
I called Minerva this morning to confirm just how many extra minutes I have built up from long hours of astrological examination. The number turned out to be 437 minutes. Now I don't know how many hours that it, but it's a lot. So I'm giving them to you eccentric websurfer, bored computer specialist, lame high school kid with only online friends. This one is for you.
Minerva told me I would only have good days this week if the date included a 2,5 or 7, or if I ate an apple at six in the morning on off days, or if a trans continental walk in the park was heavily considered over the next moons. Whatever the hell that all means.
But she did agree to do a general horoscopes providing I provide the names, signs or years to her. So get them to me if you can. She also said that the 17th might prove difficult across the board, as anxiety is going to be increased by some force, I forgot what she called it specifically.
Stay tuned.
*EDIT* I've used about 75 minutes of my time to appeal the 17th decision and Minerva has taken it upon herself to change the entire feeling of the week in an effort to push the bad mojo from the 17th to the 22nd, which she assured me would happen. So I apologize if you've canceled your spa treatments due to the previous post, hopefully you didn't reschedule it for the 22nd.
Friday, March 02, 2007
A list of PIR things I might do, supposing I won a lot of money in the state lottery
(or)
A Rich Man's Price.
1) Setup a fund to provide DNA replicas of Bob Barker in order to ensure showings of The Price is Right for eternity through an advanced cloning scheme.
2) Provide myself ultimate creative control on set design for The Price, in which huge mechanisms would be employed to rotate and lift the entire stage for no purpose other than having a stage that can rotate and lift.
3) First private island giveaway on The Price is Right.
4) Dress everyone on stage and in audience as bunny rabbits to promote ice cream (as if I win the lotto, I'm buying an ice cream factory first.)
5) Dress everyone in audience and onstage as giant lemurs, not for promotion, just to have a bunch of people dressed as lemurs.
Stay tuned.
A Rich Man's Price.
1) Setup a fund to provide DNA replicas of Bob Barker in order to ensure showings of The Price is Right for eternity through an advanced cloning scheme.
2) Provide myself ultimate creative control on set design for The Price, in which huge mechanisms would be employed to rotate and lift the entire stage for no purpose other than having a stage that can rotate and lift.
3) First private island giveaway on The Price is Right.
4) Dress everyone on stage and in audience as bunny rabbits to promote ice cream (as if I win the lotto, I'm buying an ice cream factory first.)
5) Dress everyone in audience and onstage as giant lemurs, not for promotion, just to have a bunch of people dressed as lemurs.
Stay tuned.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Announcement!!!! Announcement!!!!
New and improved retirement horoscopes will be given away to those who respond with sign and/or year. I.E. Gemini, Rooster. Or Cancer. Or Pig. You choose, but choose correctly otherwise our trained astrologists will not be able to correctly predict what will be happening to YOU on 7/7/07.
PIR Retirement Scenario #1107
Here is a host of new jobs Bob might give a go when he's done entertaining the masses.
1-Traveling wonder tonic salesman- Not just for rejuvenating hair loss and bettering sex lives, but also hope, hope in a tiny bottle, but hope.
2-Circus Ring Leader- Come one, come all, for the amazement of Barker's 4 Tent Circular Celebrations of Circus-ry.
3-Prohibition era rum runner- Would require time machine.
4- Dinosaur Hunter - Would not require time machine as scientists in Papa New Guinea have created a real live Stegosaurus. (I'm still checking facts on this.)
STAY TUNED.
1-Traveling wonder tonic salesman- Not just for rejuvenating hair loss and bettering sex lives, but also hope, hope in a tiny bottle, but hope.
2-Circus Ring Leader- Come one, come all, for the amazement of Barker's 4 Tent Circular Celebrations of Circus-ry.
3-Prohibition era rum runner- Would require time machine.
4- Dinosaur Hunter - Would not require time machine as scientists in Papa New Guinea have created a real live Stegosaurus. (I'm still checking facts on this.)
STAY TUNED.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
PIR Retirement # 777
In a bold move, Bob Barker of The Price is Right has started a new quasi religious movement converting thousands of enthusiastic fans and contestants into Barker devotees and followers. While he did retire The Price is Right, he only retired from the screen for seven hours. His new show is titled "Fishing with Bob," and is centered around teachings about peace and understanding, as well as financial improvement.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Personalized PIR #221
Diary Entry For 7/8/07
Oh diary the days are getting harder. I woke up today with no idea of what happened yesterday, for real diary, it's all super confusing. It's coming back slowly.
But whatever, I still had fun, I think.
Last night we had an after party for Bob's last day at the Beckham's. They are so sweet and nice. And Victoria grabbed my butt (giggles). The cheese dip was fantastic, but I like the queso stuff in the can a bit more. :)
A friend flew out to see the show and go to the party, but he argued with Davy over the "real" definition of football. What a goof, but I think it might of been all those beers he was drinking. Anyways, Davy didn't get too angry but challenged my friend to a game of basketball in Davy's basement.
The basement was awesome, a pool, a pool table, pool chairs and even a bowling alley. I'm serious, a bowling alley! In a house! I thought I might challenge Vicky to a little frame by frame but she misunderstood and thought I was trying to lay her, she started to get upset and I told her I misunderstood her little grabby hands before, then she started crying and her makeup was all over everything. She is not as pretty a couple layers down let me tell you. I smell a divorce. ;(
But this basement is worth a loveless relationship.
Anyways, the basement is so cool. So cool. And it has a basketball court. So my friend and Davy play and play and play. But apparently they don't have basketball in London UK, because Davy got no game, but Anton schooled him enough to get a 25 millions dollar contract from the Lakers.
That's all diary, sorry to blab blab blab. Kisses and I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Oh diary the days are getting harder. I woke up today with no idea of what happened yesterday, for real diary, it's all super confusing. It's coming back slowly.
But whatever, I still had fun, I think.
Last night we had an after party for Bob's last day at the Beckham's. They are so sweet and nice. And Victoria grabbed my butt (giggles). The cheese dip was fantastic, but I like the queso stuff in the can a bit more. :)
A friend flew out to see the show and go to the party, but he argued with Davy over the "real" definition of football. What a goof, but I think it might of been all those beers he was drinking. Anyways, Davy didn't get too angry but challenged my friend to a game of basketball in Davy's basement.
The basement was awesome, a pool, a pool table, pool chairs and even a bowling alley. I'm serious, a bowling alley! In a house! I thought I might challenge Vicky to a little frame by frame but she misunderstood and thought I was trying to lay her, she started to get upset and I told her I misunderstood her little grabby hands before, then she started crying and her makeup was all over everything. She is not as pretty a couple layers down let me tell you. I smell a divorce. ;(
But this basement is worth a loveless relationship.
Anyways, the basement is so cool. So cool. And it has a basketball court. So my friend and Davy play and play and play. But apparently they don't have basketball in London UK, because Davy got no game, but Anton schooled him enough to get a 25 millions dollar contract from the Lakers.
That's all diary, sorry to blab blab blab. Kisses and I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Retirement Scenario #'s 867, 878, 2, and 1072
# 867- Barker opens the show with the unthinkable, reading the phonebook. An hour passes and barker is on the 'F's. Why? Because he's Bob Barker. Does he get away with it? He's Bob Barker.
# 878- Bob Barker joins Al Gore and decides to include The Price is Right in a worldwide 24 hour concert to celebrate a warmer world.
# 2- Bob , against the direction of his doctor, clones himself for 2 times the prizes and 2 times the fun.
# 1072- The final taping of The Price is Right is canceled due to protests from what seems to be a cult. They have effectively shut down what they call "an abomination of human morality, those prizes and such." [Imagine it said with a bit of disdain] The group leader has issued a public statement damning anything related to this popular game show. In it is listed; The Beauties, Barker, Producers, Companies buying advertising and even a blog devoted to the show. "That blog there is a perfect example of idolatry, those boys don't know the difference between some guy in a suit giving away RV's and Jesus Christ. " The creators of the blog could not be reached for comment.
I should really keep track of these numbers to make sure I'm not repeating myself.
Till then, play the lotto and hope for the best.
# 878- Bob Barker joins Al Gore and decides to include The Price is Right in a worldwide 24 hour concert to celebrate a warmer world.
# 2- Bob , against the direction of his doctor, clones himself for 2 times the prizes and 2 times the fun.
# 1072- The final taping of The Price is Right is canceled due to protests from what seems to be a cult. They have effectively shut down what they call "an abomination of human morality, those prizes and such." [Imagine it said with a bit of disdain] The group leader has issued a public statement damning anything related to this popular game show. In it is listed; The Beauties, Barker, Producers, Companies buying advertising and even a blog devoted to the show. "That blog there is a perfect example of idolatry, those boys don't know the difference between some guy in a suit giving away RV's and Jesus Christ. " The creators of the blog could not be reached for comment.
I should really keep track of these numbers to make sure I'm not repeating myself.
Till then, play the lotto and hope for the best.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
PIR Blog obligatory Valentine's Day Column
First off, I'm on the "not a fan" side, second I didn't get to watch the show due to the dreaded 9-5, but here you go anyway, a list of prizes possibly used on today's Valentine PIR.
-chocolate
-candy hearts
-chocolate candy hearts
-chocolate candy heart shaped underwear
-chocolate candy heart shaped underwear inscribed with "I (heart) Bob"
-chocolate candy heart shaped underwear inscribed with "I (heart) Bob" modeled by a beauty driving a bright pink brand new car.*
-chocolate candy heart shaped underwear inscribed with "I (heart) Bob" modeled by a beauty driving a bright pink brand new car* with personalized license plates with an appropriate phrase.**
That is all, enjoy your hugs and kisses, I'll be watching LOST.
*not in the same cosmetic's line pink, but a cool PIR personalized shade of pink.
** like "PIR LVR" or "VAL PIR" or "LVN PIR" or "LUV W/O"
-chocolate
-candy hearts
-chocolate candy hearts
-chocolate candy heart shaped underwear
-chocolate candy heart shaped underwear inscribed with "I (heart) Bob"
-chocolate candy heart shaped underwear inscribed with "I (heart) Bob" modeled by a beauty driving a bright pink brand new car.*
-chocolate candy heart shaped underwear inscribed with "I (heart) Bob" modeled by a beauty driving a bright pink brand new car* with personalized license plates with an appropriate phrase.**
That is all, enjoy your hugs and kisses, I'll be watching LOST.
*not in the same cosmetic's line pink, but a cool PIR personalized shade of pink.
** like "PIR LVR" or "VAL PIR" or "LVN PIR" or "LUV W/O"
Friday, February 09, 2007
Scenario #616 cont.
Sincere apologies Mr. Carson, it seems I've found my blender. I had forgotten the removal of the blender from my residence for an event a few weekends back involving some quantities of blender specialty drinks. Again this misplacement is bore on my shoulders and should be of no concern to you.
Also the status report from Mr. Fisher has come back, but it puts you as a blond. Which can't possibly be right unless that California air has invaded your mental state (and from previous correspondence I am not ruling that out.)
That said, I've discontinued that relationship and he should be no worry to you in upcoming months.
This does not discount some disturbing facts however. Indianapolis in particular, as I have made not one red cent from the city, but I feel that you may have had money on their team. Rio, I still have no idea if you are referring to some previous correspondence or just making things up to confuse. Lastly, 'fond regards' means what it means, and if a professional relationship is going to continue I would appreciate this type of politeness.
Forever grateful for your response, supposing that said response is not as violently angry as has been as of late.
-Alex.
Also the status report from Mr. Fisher has come back, but it puts you as a blond. Which can't possibly be right unless that California air has invaded your mental state (and from previous correspondence I am not ruling that out.)
That said, I've discontinued that relationship and he should be no worry to you in upcoming months.
This does not discount some disturbing facts however. Indianapolis in particular, as I have made not one red cent from the city, but I feel that you may have had money on their team. Rio, I still have no idea if you are referring to some previous correspondence or just making things up to confuse. Lastly, 'fond regards' means what it means, and if a professional relationship is going to continue I would appreciate this type of politeness.
Forever grateful for your response, supposing that said response is not as violently angry as has been as of late.
-Alex.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Retirement Scenario # 112
Los Angeles (AP)- The Price is Right has announced a new direction for it's fateful last day with Bob Barker, who is set to retire following the last taping in July.
What seemed like a carnival on the CBS lot, was in fact just that. Singers and performers have been traveling to Los Angeles to perform in the first ever game show musical, tentatively titled "The Price of Music."
"We thought that with all the musical endeavors other shows embark on, why should The Price is Right be left out." Associate Producer Josh Rentondal I said. "These kind of shows have become very popular since Buffy the Vampire Slayer did a musical, but our beauties can sing even better than Sara Michelle. We are still working on the show's title however."
Fans are skeptical however, but "the power of Bob keeps our hopes up," said Kevin McCandle.
Barker himself is set to do the grand finale, a rendition of Patsy Cline's If you've got leaving on your mind, while also giving away several luxury cars.
What seemed like a carnival on the CBS lot, was in fact just that. Singers and performers have been traveling to Los Angeles to perform in the first ever game show musical, tentatively titled "The Price of Music."
"We thought that with all the musical endeavors other shows embark on, why should The Price is Right be left out." Associate Producer Josh Rentondal I said. "These kind of shows have become very popular since Buffy the Vampire Slayer did a musical, but our beauties can sing even better than Sara Michelle. We are still working on the show's title however."
Fans are skeptical however, but "the power of Bob keeps our hopes up," said Kevin McCandle.
Barker himself is set to do the grand finale, a rendition of Patsy Cline's If you've got leaving on your mind, while also giving away several luxury cars.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
PIR Retirement Scenario #s 954, 955, 956, 957.
With the final days of the Price coming soon, I've decided to come up with some extra fun PIR games to be played on the last showing. These new-and-exciting pricing games will possibly cast a shadow on Bob's absence and keep viewers loyal.
# 954- 52 Pickup.
In the final moments of The Price is Right, a contestant is asked to find the five digits of their "brand new car" in a deck of cards. To complicate things Bob throws the deck of cards all over the stage and laughs as the contestant frantically tries to find the correct numbers within sixty seconds.
# 955- The Name Game.
In order to win a completely new kitchen (appliances, tiles, countertops and the lot) contestant Mary O'Shari is asked to pick randomly six letters. Remembering her time as a viewer of Wheel of Fortune* she chooses R-L-S-T-N-E**. Bob then gives her the price of a new Chevelot Cobalt, 16,725 in U.S. dollars. Mary is then instructed to go into the name tag filled audience and pick people with first names starting with R, L, ect. She then ends up with 1 Nancy- 2 Ryan's, 1 Robert, 3 Ricardo's- 5 Sara's, 1 Susan, 1 Starlett- 2 Evans- 3 Toms, 1 Tamika, 1 Thomson. These add up to create 16,725 and she wins the car. While this new game did promote audience involvement, it took far too long and only one person won any prizes, well beside the Elvis collector coins for those in contestant row.
# 956- The Marionette.
One contestant is told to go completely limp, another is told to control the first contestant through huge strings and cables attached to pulleys on the ceiling. The second contestant then manipulates the first on a shopping spree, any prizes put in a bin are split between contestants.***
# 957 The Carousel.
Prizes are set on various stages of the carousel in between animals, contestants must jump on and off in sixty seconds with whatever prizes they can grab. Contestants must sign waivers for fatality possibilities.
As always, stay tuned.
*I'm sorry becoming involved in other game shows is not normally PIR Blog style, but to illustrate a point.
** I've always been confused by these letter, only because it's really darn close to R.L. Stine, you know that adolescent horror author.
*** I realize after writing this that this wouldn't work at all, but might look funny.
# 954- 52 Pickup.
In the final moments of The Price is Right, a contestant is asked to find the five digits of their "brand new car" in a deck of cards. To complicate things Bob throws the deck of cards all over the stage and laughs as the contestant frantically tries to find the correct numbers within sixty seconds.
# 955- The Name Game.
In order to win a completely new kitchen (appliances, tiles, countertops and the lot) contestant Mary O'Shari is asked to pick randomly six letters. Remembering her time as a viewer of Wheel of Fortune* she chooses R-L-S-T-N-E**. Bob then gives her the price of a new Chevelot Cobalt, 16,725 in U.S. dollars. Mary is then instructed to go into the name tag filled audience and pick people with first names starting with R, L, ect. She then ends up with 1 Nancy- 2 Ryan's, 1 Robert, 3 Ricardo's- 5 Sara's, 1 Susan, 1 Starlett- 2 Evans- 3 Toms, 1 Tamika, 1 Thomson. These add up to create 16,725 and she wins the car. While this new game did promote audience involvement, it took far too long and only one person won any prizes, well beside the Elvis collector coins for those in contestant row.
# 956- The Marionette.
One contestant is told to go completely limp, another is told to control the first contestant through huge strings and cables attached to pulleys on the ceiling. The second contestant then manipulates the first on a shopping spree, any prizes put in a bin are split between contestants.***
# 957 The Carousel.
Prizes are set on various stages of the carousel in between animals, contestants must jump on and off in sixty seconds with whatever prizes they can grab. Contestants must sign waivers for fatality possibilities.
As always, stay tuned.
*I'm sorry becoming involved in other game shows is not normally PIR Blog style, but to illustrate a point.
** I've always been confused by these letter, only because it's really darn close to R.L. Stine, you know that adolescent horror author.
*** I realize after writing this that this wouldn't work at all, but might look funny.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Retirement Scenario #616 continued
Alex, you despicable traitor. After all I've done you hire some P.I. to look after me? I can't believe your audacity you sniveling worm. Mr. Fisher sounds like a stage name for a burlesque dancer in Milwaukie, keep your dollar bills Alex you'll be on the street soon with this kind of betrayal.
First, you are not abiding my requests for conversation. Fine, I don't have time for flight paths any longer anyway and my patience with you is running thin.
Second, are you taking bribes from the Indianapolis boosters? I wouldn't put it past you, greedy dog. What are they paying you in, peanuts? I'll triple it! I'll stop at 7-11 on the way home and get four bags, I'll overnight them, you'll have them by Thursday.
Third, Rio, you stupid Mooninite. Remember.
Fourth, "fond regards"? Please explain this "fond regards"? I can't see how an investigator and giving personal information is any where near "fond" nor polite, friendly or even with warm intentions.
The blender is no longer the issue, if I see you again without rectification on this course we are done, history, may as well have never been.
C.
First, you are not abiding my requests for conversation. Fine, I don't have time for flight paths any longer anyway and my patience with you is running thin.
Second, are you taking bribes from the Indianapolis boosters? I wouldn't put it past you, greedy dog. What are they paying you in, peanuts? I'll triple it! I'll stop at 7-11 on the way home and get four bags, I'll overnight them, you'll have them by Thursday.
Third, Rio, you stupid Mooninite. Remember.
Fourth, "fond regards"? Please explain this "fond regards"? I can't see how an investigator and giving personal information is any where near "fond" nor polite, friendly or even with warm intentions.
The blender is no longer the issue, if I see you again without rectification on this course we are done, history, may as well have never been.
C.
# 616 continued.
Carson, I've hired a private investigator to further this matter. I thought it would be at least friendly to advise. His name is Barton Fisher, please assist him if you can. He's from Chicago and well known thereabouts. Please do not see this as a personal attack, far from. I just want my blender back, that is all.
I like to blend. I like that blender. I like good food and I know more about puree functions than you can possibly understand. Barker as well. No other blender will do. Again this is no joke to me.
Also Indianapolis is no ploy. I've seen it. Skyscrapers and all. It does exist, it's just a bit out of reach. You have to at least try . Don't give up. Perseverance is the key to a fruitful life. That train did it, it took some time, some chugging, but... well you know the story.
I'm beginning to worry about you a bit. This elevation thing, as well as your misgivings about the internet. You're being paranoid. Sleep more, or less, or whatever.
I've forwarded your information to Mr. Fisher, he is quite accomplished and may be able to provide assistance to you as well. Just be cooperative, he doesn't take well to back talk or belittlement and I know how you can be sometimes.
Lastly take a vacation, this is obviously very trying for you.
In fond regards.
Alex
I like to blend. I like that blender. I like good food and I know more about puree functions than you can possibly understand. Barker as well. No other blender will do. Again this is no joke to me.
Also Indianapolis is no ploy. I've seen it. Skyscrapers and all. It does exist, it's just a bit out of reach. You have to at least try . Don't give up. Perseverance is the key to a fruitful life. That train did it, it took some time, some chugging, but... well you know the story.
I'm beginning to worry about you a bit. This elevation thing, as well as your misgivings about the internet. You're being paranoid. Sleep more, or less, or whatever.
I've forwarded your information to Mr. Fisher, he is quite accomplished and may be able to provide assistance to you as well. Just be cooperative, he doesn't take well to back talk or belittlement and I know how you can be sometimes.
Lastly take a vacation, this is obviously very trying for you.
In fond regards.
Alex
More Elvis on PIR
Again, the King.
So besides an I-Pod accessories kit contestants not appearing only in contestant row received a collection of Elvis coins. While not to be used as any particular denomination, they may make great pogs.
Just another sign that market research for PIR is done solely through this blog. I'm not making this up.
Yours.
So besides an I-Pod accessories kit contestants not appearing only in contestant row received a collection of Elvis coins. While not to be used as any particular denomination, they may make great pogs.
Just another sign that market research for PIR is done solely through this blog. I'm not making this up.
Yours.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Personalized Retirement Scenario #616
Alex, it seems all lines of communication have been cut.
I've found your blender, Bob has it, he has been on a strict diet of mashed fruits and vegetables. He needed it. The puree function is paramount.
Also Indianapolis was a ploy, a cruel trick devised by some cartographer to confuse the masses. Have you ever heard of someone getting a cab in Indianapolis? Impossible. The cars are merely painted yellow, or orange with some iridescent radiation coming from under the hood.
DON'T LOOK THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT
Further communication will be done by pigeon or hawk, I'm not sure which yet, it may take some time to train them. Do you have any pigeons ready?
Fine forget the pigeons, concentrate on the flight paths only, I'll work on some paper airplanes or kites. Something with a bit of elevation. Ground travel is out of date, UPS has screwed me for the last time and I'm becoming increasingly worried about this internet.
Please telegraph one letter at a time until this air transport can be worked out. Date them. Example. A- 1/31/07, B - 2/15/07 and such. Not full letters , letters, as in the alphabet.
Don't misunderstand me again, that mistake was made in Rio. Never forget.
Till that day.
I've found your blender, Bob has it, he has been on a strict diet of mashed fruits and vegetables. He needed it. The puree function is paramount.
Also Indianapolis was a ploy, a cruel trick devised by some cartographer to confuse the masses. Have you ever heard of someone getting a cab in Indianapolis? Impossible. The cars are merely painted yellow, or orange with some iridescent radiation coming from under the hood.
DON'T LOOK THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT
Further communication will be done by pigeon or hawk, I'm not sure which yet, it may take some time to train them. Do you have any pigeons ready?
Fine forget the pigeons, concentrate on the flight paths only, I'll work on some paper airplanes or kites. Something with a bit of elevation. Ground travel is out of date, UPS has screwed me for the last time and I'm becoming increasingly worried about this internet.
Please telegraph one letter at a time until this air transport can be worked out. Date them. Example. A- 1/31/07, B - 2/15/07 and such. Not full letters , letters, as in the alphabet.
Don't misunderstand me again, that mistake was made in Rio. Never forget.
Till that day.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
PIR Personalized Scenario # 157
NEW WORLD AVERTISING PRESENTS
BARKER WORLD
With startling views of what was the U.S. Coast of California, Barker World affords its residents a world of entertainment and relaxation. Numerous five-star resorts adorn the coast and beautiful, once, National Parks fill out the interior.
A savior-like zeal has caused Bob Barker, formally of The Price is Right, to create a paradise in the once state of California. Giving residents equal shares of a warehouse of prizes. Residents of Barker World are often seen in new cars, sitting in new saunas or using an vigorous amount of supplement to complete the joy of their day.
Sound to good to be true? Visit us at Barker World, you may never want to leave!
________________________
Washington D.C. (AP)- What was classified as a type 3 earthquake on Tuesday, has now been revealed to be a series of explosions set off by a rebel group in California. Media and Government buildings have been occupied, leaving them out of touch with the surviving United States. The explosions damaged borders on the state of Nevada and others lying adjacent to California causing a rugged area similar to a no-mans-land of WWII.
Government officials have yet to offer an explanation, but recently advertisements have been seen dropping out of planes on the bordering area.
"It seems that Bob Barker, you know from the Price is Right, has taken over the state of California and is using it to promote a prize filled utopian republic." Max Freedman of Nevada stated, concluding, "I'm leaving tomorrow."
With startling views of what was the U.S. Coast of California, Barker World affords its residents a world of entertainment and relaxation. Numerous five-star resorts adorn the coast and beautiful, once, National Parks fill out the interior.
A savior-like zeal has caused Bob Barker, formally of The Price is Right, to create a paradise in the once state of California. Giving residents equal shares of a warehouse of prizes. Residents of Barker World are often seen in new cars, sitting in new saunas or using an vigorous amount of supplement to complete the joy of their day.
Sound to good to be true? Visit us at Barker World, you may never want to leave!
________________________
Washington D.C. (AP)- What was classified as a type 3 earthquake on Tuesday, has now been revealed to be a series of explosions set off by a rebel group in California. Media and Government buildings have been occupied, leaving them out of touch with the surviving United States. The explosions damaged borders on the state of Nevada and others lying adjacent to California causing a rugged area similar to a no-mans-land of WWII.
Government officials have yet to offer an explanation, but recently advertisements have been seen dropping out of planes on the bordering area.
"It seems that Bob Barker, you know from the Price is Right, has taken over the state of California and is using it to promote a prize filled utopian republic." Max Freedman of Nevada stated, concluding, "I'm leaving tomorrow."
A press release sent by officials of Barker World explained a bit of the history of this monumental action.
Barker World has been created to ensure new opportunities of community growth in progressive California. We have taken measures to ensure that the replaced government will not interfere and our citizens will be happy. We have sent a introductory constitution and electronic drum set to every household in California.
Bob Barker has appointed himself head spokesman, but has left all decisions to a panel of experts. Barker attributes this move to advice from his favorite breakfast casserole creator Kristin, or as Barker knows her, Masterpiece.
Barker World will be here for years to come and we intend to create a freedom dreamt of, but never realized in the USA, where not a few citizens but all citizens have access to their own RV.
Further attempts to reach people in power in the former state of California have proved futile. Only one person was seen across no-mans-land, he stood throwing plinko chips at reporters.
More updates will follow in this bizarre series of events that will undoubtedly shape history.
Barker World has been created to ensure new opportunities of community growth in progressive California. We have taken measures to ensure that the replaced government will not interfere and our citizens will be happy. We have sent a introductory constitution and electronic drum set to every household in California.
Bob Barker has appointed himself head spokesman, but has left all decisions to a panel of experts. Barker attributes this move to advice from his favorite breakfast casserole creator Kristin, or as Barker knows her, Masterpiece.
Barker World will be here for years to come and we intend to create a freedom dreamt of, but never realized in the USA, where not a few citizens but all citizens have access to their own RV.
Further attempts to reach people in power in the former state of California have proved futile. Only one person was seen across no-mans-land, he stood throwing plinko chips at reporters.
More updates will follow in this bizarre series of events that will undoubtedly shape history.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Announcement!
In an effort to see if people actually read this, I will award a personalized PIR retirement scenario to people who vote on their favorite scenario thus far. Just comment under this post and let me know by # which scenario struck your fancy. Doesn't matter who wrote said scenario, just trying to keep ahead of the game by vastly uncomplicated market research.
Yours.
Yours.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
PIR Retirement Scenarios # 610, 611, 612, 613, 614, 615.
In an effort of cultural awareness the following are examples of The Price being set in remote locals or places not normally Price settings.
# 610- Paris. Prizes would include miniature replications of the Eiffel Tower ( which surely every Parisian contestant would want) , French bread, and recreations of masterworks displayed at The Louvre including but not exclusive to the Mona Lisa. Possible exotic vacations to Los Angeles, New York and Indianapolis would also be included.
#611- Indianapolis. Prizes would include.... I really don't know what people do there, but I'm sure they'd be happy with a blender or a toenail clipper.
#612- Minneapolis. Prizes would include toboggans, warm coats and those things you put in gloves to heat up your hands. All of which I would appreciate due to an impending "vacation" to the artic north. It would be comical though to give away bathing suits, suntan lotion or ice cream.
#613- Amsterdam. It would've gone without a hitch and been the best Price showing ever, complete with fanfare and elephants. If only Bob would've shown up on time.
#614- Bora Bora. Prizes would include staying in Bora Bora forever. Only one prize would be given and there's a chance that someone related to the camera man would win. This however would be a violation of the fine print and subsequently be revoked. It would go down in television history as the biggest prize blunder ever. Even past Survivor's issues about contestants taxes. Bob however would smile this away, having setup the ruse of a camera man's niece to keep the prize for himself. People around the island would call him Dieu D'ile and give him World War II belt buckles. Bob would continue to occupy himself by throwing pairs of scuba fins and coconuts at tourists until the end of his life.
#615- The Minnesota State Fair Grounds, St. Paul Minnesota. Prizes include front row tickets for a week of concerts including a reunion of the remaining live members of Lynard Skynard, a years supply of deep fried Oreo cookies, seven no eight trips down the super slide, and a meet and great with governor of old Jesse 'thebodymind' Ventura.
Sorry I guess that wasn't as culturally compelling as I originally intended. Stay tuned for more life lessons from (cue dramatic music)
THE PRICE IS RIGHT BLOG.
# 610- Paris. Prizes would include miniature replications of the Eiffel Tower ( which surely every Parisian contestant would want) , French bread, and recreations of masterworks displayed at The Louvre including but not exclusive to the Mona Lisa. Possible exotic vacations to Los Angeles, New York and Indianapolis would also be included.
#611- Indianapolis. Prizes would include.... I really don't know what people do there, but I'm sure they'd be happy with a blender or a toenail clipper.
#612- Minneapolis. Prizes would include toboggans, warm coats and those things you put in gloves to heat up your hands. All of which I would appreciate due to an impending "vacation" to the artic north. It would be comical though to give away bathing suits, suntan lotion or ice cream.
#613- Amsterdam. It would've gone without a hitch and been the best Price showing ever, complete with fanfare and elephants. If only Bob would've shown up on time.
#614- Bora Bora. Prizes would include staying in Bora Bora forever. Only one prize would be given and there's a chance that someone related to the camera man would win. This however would be a violation of the fine print and subsequently be revoked. It would go down in television history as the biggest prize blunder ever. Even past Survivor's issues about contestants taxes. Bob however would smile this away, having setup the ruse of a camera man's niece to keep the prize for himself. People around the island would call him Dieu D'ile and give him World War II belt buckles. Bob would continue to occupy himself by throwing pairs of scuba fins and coconuts at tourists until the end of his life.
#615- The Minnesota State Fair Grounds, St. Paul Minnesota. Prizes include front row tickets for a week of concerts including a reunion of the remaining live members of Lynard Skynard, a years supply of deep fried Oreo cookies, seven no eight trips down the super slide, and a meet and great with governor of old Jesse 'thebodymind' Ventura.
Sorry I guess that wasn't as culturally compelling as I originally intended. Stay tuned for more life lessons from (cue dramatic music)
THE PRICE IS RIGHT BLOG.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Today On....
Today's Price had one of my all time favorite showcase showdowns. I will speak of as if it were mine.
First an all terrain vehicle that can drive over most anything and even go into the water with, which if you know me is a very valuable accessory. And I could really see myself rocking out in OB from bar to bar driving something that doesn't have to stop for people passed out on the sidewalk. *
Second, a sauna. Very useful and stylish. Also I like heat. Enough said.
Lastly, a sailboat. Again if you know me, obsessions stay fairly constant for at least a few years. It sleeps four and, with impending unrestricted time off I could sail to Hawaii, on to Fiji or Bora Bora, then to Phuket. Possibly while receiving checks if I could do it in under six months.
The contestant stood pondering his bid while reviewing his fabulous
We interrupt the regularly scheduled blog to bring you pressing news on a small brushfire that the SDFD already has control of. No we will not allow you to see the bid nor the second showcase until we are finished dealing with this completely unworthy news story. Please take a few minutes to enjoy a lengthy introduction of computerized animation to said worthless story complete with compelling music, can you feel the excitement? No, you'd rather get back to your regularly scheduled blog? Sorry, we need to take another few minutes after informing you of this worthless news story to conclude with another showing of the computerized animation. Cue compelling music and .......
and both contestants then overbid.
Stay tuned for more updates.
* We at the Price is Right blog do not encourage drunk driving in any form what-so-ever, except in print if you are trying to make a comical point, thank you.
First an all terrain vehicle that can drive over most anything and even go into the water with, which if you know me is a very valuable accessory. And I could really see myself rocking out in OB from bar to bar driving something that doesn't have to stop for people passed out on the sidewalk. *
Second, a sauna. Very useful and stylish. Also I like heat. Enough said.
Lastly, a sailboat. Again if you know me, obsessions stay fairly constant for at least a few years. It sleeps four and, with impending unrestricted time off I could sail to Hawaii, on to Fiji or Bora Bora, then to Phuket. Possibly while receiving checks if I could do it in under six months.
The contestant stood pondering his bid while reviewing his fabulous
We interrupt the regularly scheduled blog to bring you pressing news on a small brushfire that the SDFD already has control of. No we will not allow you to see the bid nor the second showcase until we are finished dealing with this completely unworthy news story. Please take a few minutes to enjoy a lengthy introduction of computerized animation to said worthless story complete with compelling music, can you feel the excitement? No, you'd rather get back to your regularly scheduled blog? Sorry, we need to take another few minutes after informing you of this worthless news story to conclude with another showing of the computerized animation. Cue compelling music and .......
and both contestants then overbid.
Stay tuned for more updates.
* We at the Price is Right blog do not encourage drunk driving in any form what-so-ever, except in print if you are trying to make a comical point, thank you.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Retirement Update. [with lots and lots of vanity.]
Okay, with a great deal of free time fast approaching, I will be able to concentrate on the takeover of the Price with renewed enthusiasm.
As for those with doubts, Bob and I have a lot in common. I'll demonstrate with an article sent to me recently, [thanks Kim].
First of all Bob says the most important thing to do is listen. I listen like a mofo, I can listen and read, I can listen and rant, I can listen and count cards. But besides the overall employment qualifications, I can also listen with great intensity and with a hope to help.
Often I'm concerned with the overall entertainment of those around me, it stems from an old adage that you are only as happy as the loved ones around you. [I don't really know if that's true, but it sounded good when I made it up]. As such I strive to have the people around me as happy, as entertained and as enlightened as possible.
Often times, and on to point number two, this involves booze. Which I also imbue like a mofo, can do while reading and ranting, my math does suffer however. But as Barker says, it's a good way to maintain energy.
Here's the material, I'll send around the "Carson for Barker's Position Petition" soon.
http://entertainment.tv.yahoo.com/entnews/ap/20070119/116923362000.html
Also in the effort of maintaining entertainment as well as energy, I'll be sending out some requests for the first ever PIR blog madlibs contest. It should be a blast.
Stay Tuned!
As for those with doubts, Bob and I have a lot in common. I'll demonstrate with an article sent to me recently, [thanks Kim].
First of all Bob says the most important thing to do is listen. I listen like a mofo, I can listen and read, I can listen and rant, I can listen and count cards. But besides the overall employment qualifications, I can also listen with great intensity and with a hope to help.
Often I'm concerned with the overall entertainment of those around me, it stems from an old adage that you are only as happy as the loved ones around you. [I don't really know if that's true, but it sounded good when I made it up]. As such I strive to have the people around me as happy, as entertained and as enlightened as possible.
Often times, and on to point number two, this involves booze. Which I also imbue like a mofo, can do while reading and ranting, my math does suffer however. But as Barker says, it's a good way to maintain energy.
Here's the material, I'll send around the "Carson for Barker's Position Petition" soon.
http://entertainment.tv.yahoo.com/entnews/ap/20070119/116923362000.html
Also in the effort of maintaining entertainment as well as energy, I'll be sending out some requests for the first ever PIR blog madlibs contest. It should be a blast.
Stay Tuned!
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Today on....
Bob lined someone up with the putting game, where you guess prices and then putt to see if you win. Bob has traditionally done an "inspiration putt" for the contestant prior to allowing then to putt for the prize.
Bob made the putt, the sailor made the putt and won a car.
What amuses me most is Bob's control and influence on the overall show. I mean, imagine if you could go in to work and demand that everyday you get five minutes to preach about animal protections, demand that you get at least three girls to be around you at all times, demand that once a week or so you get to take five minutes to play some golf, and demand that somedays depending on mood you are going to take ten or so minutes to address something that's been on your mind lately.
Maybe I should write these things on my resume, just to see if someone would allow it.
"We'll give you the golf and the girls Mr. Carson, but you can't force us to listen to your stupid rants, that's for damn sure."
Stay tuned!
Bob made the putt, the sailor made the putt and won a car.
What amuses me most is Bob's control and influence on the overall show. I mean, imagine if you could go in to work and demand that everyday you get five minutes to preach about animal protections, demand that you get at least three girls to be around you at all times, demand that once a week or so you get to take five minutes to play some golf, and demand that somedays depending on mood you are going to take ten or so minutes to address something that's been on your mind lately.
Maybe I should write these things on my resume, just to see if someone would allow it.
"We'll give you the golf and the girls Mr. Carson, but you can't force us to listen to your stupid rants, that's for damn sure."
Stay tuned!
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Retirement Scenarios # 12, # 743, # 823, # 8, # 867, # 900
# 12) Astonishing geographical anomalies created a sinkhole that swallowed CBS studios like deep throat, Bob went down as well.
# 743) "Popular Blogger Carson" is commissioned to fix all the transistor radios on the CBS lot. Unfortunately he became far too excited and killed Bob en route to the final taping when Carson hit him with his car. Police records show an increased velocity between citing Bob and hitting him. Carson then drove into a sink hole unrelated to the sink hole above, see http://theprice-rebirth.blogspot.com/2007/01/retirement-scenarios-12-743-823-8-867.html
# 823) Lighting goes out on lot, retirement show is rescheduled for 7/8/07.
# 8) Everything goes as planned. A guy named John wins a car, Bob bids a tearful goodbye. Reminder, spay and neuter.
# 867) Plumbing goes out on lot, everyone refuses to leave the contestant line and CBS lot becomes a sight worse than Mardi Gras aftermath. Piss and shit everywhere. Three people puked; John, Mark and Judith, according to the respective name tags. Some abandon the line and seek refuge at a nearby MacDonald's, the employed there see the impending rush and begin defecating themselves. MacDonald's becomes as crippled as the CBS lot. The reaction continues like a virus spreading rapidly to East LA and Inglewood, eventually making it's way to El Segundo.... where it found its wallet and went home.
# 900) The announcer calls Bob's name, but he's absent. Justin Timberlake makes a poor joke about it.
stay tuned?
# 743) "Popular Blogger Carson" is commissioned to fix all the transistor radios on the CBS lot. Unfortunately he became far too excited and killed Bob en route to the final taping when Carson hit him with his car. Police records show an increased velocity between citing Bob and hitting him. Carson then drove into a sink hole unrelated to the sink hole above, see http://theprice-rebirth.blogspot.com/2007/01/retirement-scenarios-12-743-823-8-867.html
# 823) Lighting goes out on lot, retirement show is rescheduled for 7/8/07.
# 8) Everything goes as planned. A guy named John wins a car, Bob bids a tearful goodbye. Reminder, spay and neuter.
# 867) Plumbing goes out on lot, everyone refuses to leave the contestant line and CBS lot becomes a sight worse than Mardi Gras aftermath. Piss and shit everywhere. Three people puked; John, Mark and Judith, according to the respective name tags. Some abandon the line and seek refuge at a nearby MacDonald's, the employed there see the impending rush and begin defecating themselves. MacDonald's becomes as crippled as the CBS lot. The reaction continues like a virus spreading rapidly to East LA and Inglewood, eventually making it's way to El Segundo.... where it found its wallet and went home.
# 900) The announcer calls Bob's name, but he's absent. Justin Timberlake makes a poor joke about it.
stay tuned?
Retirement Scenario #156 of 1523
Los Angeles (AP)- Fifty-seven years after Ralph Elliot changed game show history by effectively renaming Hot Springs Arizona to Truth or Consequences Arizona, Bob Barker of Price is Right fame is planning to do the same.
Publicist Sharon Juniper said "Mr. Barker wanted a tribute to his late friend and thought this would be a fun way to give back to the community that loves him."
Barker intends to rename a chosen city "The Price is Right". Yesterday Barker announced that he would award an RV, several Chrysler automobiles, seven dining sets, a refrigerator, two spas, nearly twenty exciting trips to exotic locals, and a lifetime supply of supplements to the chosen town.
"This along with new carpet, delivered and installed, to every resident within city limits." Juniper continued.
Several cities have shown interest including Skiptvet Norway, La Ward Texas, and Cashel Township Minnesota. Cashel Township, with a population of one hundred and forty-three, seems an unlikely choice.
STAY TUNED FOR MORE UPDATES!
Publicist Sharon Juniper said "Mr. Barker wanted a tribute to his late friend and thought this would be a fun way to give back to the community that loves him."
Barker intends to rename a chosen city "The Price is Right". Yesterday Barker announced that he would award an RV, several Chrysler automobiles, seven dining sets, a refrigerator, two spas, nearly twenty exciting trips to exotic locals, and a lifetime supply of supplements to the chosen town.
"This along with new carpet, delivered and installed, to every resident within city limits." Juniper continued.
Several cities have shown interest including Skiptvet Norway, La Ward Texas, and Cashel Township Minnesota. Cashel Township, with a population of one hundred and forty-three, seems an unlikely choice.
STAY TUNED FOR MORE UPDATES!
Sunday, January 14, 2007
PIR Retirement Scenario # 274
Barker To Hire Beckham for Final Price is Right Retirement Spectacular
In what seems like a drunk-inspired public relations stunt, Bob Barker of The Price is Right has hired David Beckham, popular UK footballer.
"Mr. Barker wanted to have David there to greet contestants as they go onstage for the games. Unfortunately this contract will undermine any negotiations with MLS team the LA Galaxy and Barker has compensated both Beckham and the Galaxy for such. Barker felt that perhaps Beckham was giving up on being a serious professional and thought he would appreciate a position in the limelight."
"Bob's on point with this one," Popular Price is Right blogger Carson said, "I mean I agree totally, Beckham wants to be a Hollywood star and a A-list celeb, Bob's just giving him a vehicle. I appreciate the humanitarian side of Bob's decisions, he's not thinking about how Price fans are going to react, he just wants Beckham happy. And while Bob cannot provide the challenging arena for football like the LA Galaxy can, Bob can introduce Beckham to millions of American homes at ten in the morning everyday Monday through Friday. Fame like that you can't buy for two and a half million dollars."
Barker and Beckham were unavailable for comments. You can view regular updates on The Price is Right at http://www.theprice-rebirth.blogspot.com/ .
In what seems like a drunk-inspired public relations stunt, Bob Barker of The Price is Right has hired David Beckham, popular UK footballer.
"Mr. Barker wanted to have David there to greet contestants as they go onstage for the games. Unfortunately this contract will undermine any negotiations with MLS team the LA Galaxy and Barker has compensated both Beckham and the Galaxy for such. Barker felt that perhaps Beckham was giving up on being a serious professional and thought he would appreciate a position in the limelight."
"Bob's on point with this one," Popular Price is Right blogger Carson said, "I mean I agree totally, Beckham wants to be a Hollywood star and a A-list celeb, Bob's just giving him a vehicle. I appreciate the humanitarian side of Bob's decisions, he's not thinking about how Price fans are going to react, he just wants Beckham happy. And while Bob cannot provide the challenging arena for football like the LA Galaxy can, Bob can introduce Beckham to millions of American homes at ten in the morning everyday Monday through Friday. Fame like that you can't buy for two and a half million dollars."
Barker and Beckham were unavailable for comments. You can view regular updates on The Price is Right at http://www.theprice-rebirth.blogspot.com/ .
PIR Retirement Scenario # 273
Los Angeles (AP)- In a surprising and exciting move, to those of us in LA anyway, Bob Barker of CBS's The Price is Right fame has purchased a NFL team and is planning to move the team to LA.
Publicist Sharon Juniper said "Mr. Barker just wants to keep his hands in the entertainment bucket. I mean, after such a career, would you expect him to retire completely?"
Fans are both excited and skeptical, one LA resident was questioning the seriousness of Barkers motives. "Is he going to rename the team the Plinko's or God forbid the LA Beauties?"
While information released on the subject has been minimal, people are speculating what team will be purchased.
"Although it would be impossible to determine who exactly Barker has his eye on, the Vegas numbers are saying the Oakland Raiders, due to their performance lately and the proximity to the greater LA area, but again, that's only speculation. My money is on Oakland however." said Vegas sports book concierge Tony "Tiny Tim" Martello.
Publicist Sharon Juniper said "Mr. Barker just wants to keep his hands in the entertainment bucket. I mean, after such a career, would you expect him to retire completely?"
Fans are both excited and skeptical, one LA resident was questioning the seriousness of Barkers motives. "Is he going to rename the team the Plinko's or God forbid the LA Beauties?"
While information released on the subject has been minimal, people are speculating what team will be purchased.
"Although it would be impossible to determine who exactly Barker has his eye on, the Vegas numbers are saying the Oakland Raiders, due to their performance lately and the proximity to the greater LA area, but again, that's only speculation. My money is on Oakland however." said Vegas sports book concierge Tony "Tiny Tim" Martello.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
On PIR and the future of American decadence.
This morning The Price taught me some valuable lessons, which I would have written about this morning except the site wouldn't let me.
It would've been a joy filled PIR blog exclaiming the virtues of marketing through product placement, proclaiming Bob as a visionary with a humanitarian heart ('Remember to spay and neuter), and praising the ideals The Price puts forth.
This morning the final contestants on The Price showcase showdown were homely. That about as nice as I can put it. And, while in previous posts I've lamented the abuse of required beauty on television as a positive, this morning I felt differently.
I wanted to do a tribute to The Price as a humanitarian effort to bring together this great nation. I would have said very complimentary things about how even uglies get to play, that there is little to no discrimination and that the prizes and the hope dealt out on The Price are available to all.
I would have continued my tirade to share the virtues of The Price with my readers for page upon page. Even possibly I would have stated that the producers had created a perfect gaming ecosystem to spread the joy of life to these United States. The nation and it's people would have received my praise as well, for being the audience and the contestants, and for showing that everyone everywhere can be polite to each other (if only for the opportunity to win a pinball machine.)
Wow, what a wretched and horribly inaccurate blog that would've been. I would have been lying through and through. You may have felt better, smiled at people in the elevator or even said good-morning with a little more gusto, and then my lies would have created a virus with which false happiness spread throughout the world wide web.
The truth is that the producers don't care who wins, Bob doesn't care, and I'm sure now the audience doesn't, because I don't.
I really like when they lose. That last minute of "oh, come on, yes just one more.... no." That along with the look on their face, like this was their last chance at happiness and now they have to go back home to their painful life in Oklahoma. I bet you like when they lose too.
It would've been a joy filled PIR blog exclaiming the virtues of marketing through product placement, proclaiming Bob as a visionary with a humanitarian heart ('Remember to spay and neuter), and praising the ideals The Price puts forth.
This morning the final contestants on The Price showcase showdown were homely. That about as nice as I can put it. And, while in previous posts I've lamented the abuse of required beauty on television as a positive, this morning I felt differently.
I wanted to do a tribute to The Price as a humanitarian effort to bring together this great nation. I would have said very complimentary things about how even uglies get to play, that there is little to no discrimination and that the prizes and the hope dealt out on The Price are available to all.
I would have continued my tirade to share the virtues of The Price with my readers for page upon page. Even possibly I would have stated that the producers had created a perfect gaming ecosystem to spread the joy of life to these United States. The nation and it's people would have received my praise as well, for being the audience and the contestants, and for showing that everyone everywhere can be polite to each other (if only for the opportunity to win a pinball machine.)
Wow, what a wretched and horribly inaccurate blog that would've been. I would have been lying through and through. You may have felt better, smiled at people in the elevator or even said good-morning with a little more gusto, and then my lies would have created a virus with which false happiness spread throughout the world wide web.
The truth is that the producers don't care who wins, Bob doesn't care, and I'm sure now the audience doesn't, because I don't.
I really like when they lose. That last minute of "oh, come on, yes just one more.... no." That along with the look on their face, like this was their last chance at happiness and now they have to go back home to their painful life in Oklahoma. I bet you like when they lose too.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
PIR Retirement Scenario #34
Los Angeles (AP)- In a stunningly brazen and never-before-attempted television stunt Bob Barker of The Price is Right has outwitted FCC regulations and has effectively thrown censorship out the window.
During the taping of his retirement show on July 7th, 2007, Barker's typical prizes of cars/RVs/bedroom sets were replaced with cartons of cigarettes/bottles of tequila/costumed prostitutes.
The censors were unable to stop the live broadcast for a full twenty-five minutes of the show, in which contestants bid and won three cartons of cigarettes, a threesome, several bottles of whiskey and a trip to Cuervo Nation for two.
Barker also had four bottles of scotch, a case of Crystal, another three cartons of cigarettes and several Cuban cigars to give away, these among some other unmentionable prizes for the showcase showdown.
Barker was unavailable for comment, but was seen leaving the studio with a bottle in each hand and an unknown female on his arm.
FCC spokesperson Mary Fuller stated "This kind of broadcasting is unacceptable, but taking into account his years of diligent service, we've decided to pardon Bob. How could we discipline Bob, I mean it's Bob?"
Others speculate that this was Bob's response to being sanctioned for his remarks on gender a few months back*.
Jason Kelts, who was in the audience at the time, said "That was awesome, it's like Bob was just all 'I do what I want Bitches' and the producers were all like 'Oh Bob' and then Bob just did what he wanted. Man, I wish I were Bob."
*please read PIR Archive, i.e. Best of... below, article titled PIR for the Ladies
During the taping of his retirement show on July 7th, 2007, Barker's typical prizes of cars/RVs/bedroom sets were replaced with cartons of cigarettes/bottles of tequila/costumed prostitutes.
The censors were unable to stop the live broadcast for a full twenty-five minutes of the show, in which contestants bid and won three cartons of cigarettes, a threesome, several bottles of whiskey and a trip to Cuervo Nation for two.
Barker also had four bottles of scotch, a case of Crystal, another three cartons of cigarettes and several Cuban cigars to give away, these among some other unmentionable prizes for the showcase showdown.
Barker was unavailable for comment, but was seen leaving the studio with a bottle in each hand and an unknown female on his arm.
FCC spokesperson Mary Fuller stated "This kind of broadcasting is unacceptable, but taking into account his years of diligent service, we've decided to pardon Bob. How could we discipline Bob, I mean it's Bob?"
Others speculate that this was Bob's response to being sanctioned for his remarks on gender a few months back*.
Jason Kelts, who was in the audience at the time, said "That was awesome, it's like Bob was just all 'I do what I want Bitches' and the producers were all like 'Oh Bob' and then Bob just did what he wanted. Man, I wish I were Bob."
*please read PIR Archive, i.e. Best of... below, article titled PIR for the Ladies
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)