Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Announcement!!!! Announcement!!!!
New and improved retirement horoscopes will be given away to those who respond with sign and/or year. I.E. Gemini, Rooster. Or Cancer. Or Pig. You choose, but choose correctly otherwise our trained astrologists will not be able to correctly predict what will be happening to YOU on 7/7/07.
PIR Retirement Scenario #1107
Here is a host of new jobs Bob might give a go when he's done entertaining the masses.
1-Traveling wonder tonic salesman- Not just for rejuvenating hair loss and bettering sex lives, but also hope, hope in a tiny bottle, but hope.
2-Circus Ring Leader- Come one, come all, for the amazement of Barker's 4 Tent Circular Celebrations of Circus-ry.
3-Prohibition era rum runner- Would require time machine.
4- Dinosaur Hunter - Would not require time machine as scientists in Papa New Guinea have created a real live Stegosaurus. (I'm still checking facts on this.)
STAY TUNED.
1-Traveling wonder tonic salesman- Not just for rejuvenating hair loss and bettering sex lives, but also hope, hope in a tiny bottle, but hope.
2-Circus Ring Leader- Come one, come all, for the amazement of Barker's 4 Tent Circular Celebrations of Circus-ry.
3-Prohibition era rum runner- Would require time machine.
4- Dinosaur Hunter - Would not require time machine as scientists in Papa New Guinea have created a real live Stegosaurus. (I'm still checking facts on this.)
STAY TUNED.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
PIR Retirement # 777
In a bold move, Bob Barker of The Price is Right has started a new quasi religious movement converting thousands of enthusiastic fans and contestants into Barker devotees and followers. While he did retire The Price is Right, he only retired from the screen for seven hours. His new show is titled "Fishing with Bob," and is centered around teachings about peace and understanding, as well as financial improvement.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Personalized PIR #221
Diary Entry For 7/8/07
Oh diary the days are getting harder. I woke up today with no idea of what happened yesterday, for real diary, it's all super confusing. It's coming back slowly.
But whatever, I still had fun, I think.
Last night we had an after party for Bob's last day at the Beckham's. They are so sweet and nice. And Victoria grabbed my butt (giggles). The cheese dip was fantastic, but I like the queso stuff in the can a bit more. :)
A friend flew out to see the show and go to the party, but he argued with Davy over the "real" definition of football. What a goof, but I think it might of been all those beers he was drinking. Anyways, Davy didn't get too angry but challenged my friend to a game of basketball in Davy's basement.
The basement was awesome, a pool, a pool table, pool chairs and even a bowling alley. I'm serious, a bowling alley! In a house! I thought I might challenge Vicky to a little frame by frame but she misunderstood and thought I was trying to lay her, she started to get upset and I told her I misunderstood her little grabby hands before, then she started crying and her makeup was all over everything. She is not as pretty a couple layers down let me tell you. I smell a divorce. ;(
But this basement is worth a loveless relationship.
Anyways, the basement is so cool. So cool. And it has a basketball court. So my friend and Davy play and play and play. But apparently they don't have basketball in London UK, because Davy got no game, but Anton schooled him enough to get a 25 millions dollar contract from the Lakers.
That's all diary, sorry to blab blab blab. Kisses and I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Oh diary the days are getting harder. I woke up today with no idea of what happened yesterday, for real diary, it's all super confusing. It's coming back slowly.
But whatever, I still had fun, I think.
Last night we had an after party for Bob's last day at the Beckham's. They are so sweet and nice. And Victoria grabbed my butt (giggles). The cheese dip was fantastic, but I like the queso stuff in the can a bit more. :)
A friend flew out to see the show and go to the party, but he argued with Davy over the "real" definition of football. What a goof, but I think it might of been all those beers he was drinking. Anyways, Davy didn't get too angry but challenged my friend to a game of basketball in Davy's basement.
The basement was awesome, a pool, a pool table, pool chairs and even a bowling alley. I'm serious, a bowling alley! In a house! I thought I might challenge Vicky to a little frame by frame but she misunderstood and thought I was trying to lay her, she started to get upset and I told her I misunderstood her little grabby hands before, then she started crying and her makeup was all over everything. She is not as pretty a couple layers down let me tell you. I smell a divorce. ;(
But this basement is worth a loveless relationship.
Anyways, the basement is so cool. So cool. And it has a basketball court. So my friend and Davy play and play and play. But apparently they don't have basketball in London UK, because Davy got no game, but Anton schooled him enough to get a 25 millions dollar contract from the Lakers.
That's all diary, sorry to blab blab blab. Kisses and I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Retirement Scenario #'s 867, 878, 2, and 1072
# 867- Barker opens the show with the unthinkable, reading the phonebook. An hour passes and barker is on the 'F's. Why? Because he's Bob Barker. Does he get away with it? He's Bob Barker.
# 878- Bob Barker joins Al Gore and decides to include The Price is Right in a worldwide 24 hour concert to celebrate a warmer world.
# 2- Bob , against the direction of his doctor, clones himself for 2 times the prizes and 2 times the fun.
# 1072- The final taping of The Price is Right is canceled due to protests from what seems to be a cult. They have effectively shut down what they call "an abomination of human morality, those prizes and such." [Imagine it said with a bit of disdain] The group leader has issued a public statement damning anything related to this popular game show. In it is listed; The Beauties, Barker, Producers, Companies buying advertising and even a blog devoted to the show. "That blog there is a perfect example of idolatry, those boys don't know the difference between some guy in a suit giving away RV's and Jesus Christ. " The creators of the blog could not be reached for comment.
I should really keep track of these numbers to make sure I'm not repeating myself.
Till then, play the lotto and hope for the best.
# 878- Bob Barker joins Al Gore and decides to include The Price is Right in a worldwide 24 hour concert to celebrate a warmer world.
# 2- Bob , against the direction of his doctor, clones himself for 2 times the prizes and 2 times the fun.
# 1072- The final taping of The Price is Right is canceled due to protests from what seems to be a cult. They have effectively shut down what they call "an abomination of human morality, those prizes and such." [Imagine it said with a bit of disdain] The group leader has issued a public statement damning anything related to this popular game show. In it is listed; The Beauties, Barker, Producers, Companies buying advertising and even a blog devoted to the show. "That blog there is a perfect example of idolatry, those boys don't know the difference between some guy in a suit giving away RV's and Jesus Christ. " The creators of the blog could not be reached for comment.
I should really keep track of these numbers to make sure I'm not repeating myself.
Till then, play the lotto and hope for the best.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
PIR Blog obligatory Valentine's Day Column
First off, I'm on the "not a fan" side, second I didn't get to watch the show due to the dreaded 9-5, but here you go anyway, a list of prizes possibly used on today's Valentine PIR.
-chocolate
-candy hearts
-chocolate candy hearts
-chocolate candy heart shaped underwear
-chocolate candy heart shaped underwear inscribed with "I (heart) Bob"
-chocolate candy heart shaped underwear inscribed with "I (heart) Bob" modeled by a beauty driving a bright pink brand new car.*
-chocolate candy heart shaped underwear inscribed with "I (heart) Bob" modeled by a beauty driving a bright pink brand new car* with personalized license plates with an appropriate phrase.**
That is all, enjoy your hugs and kisses, I'll be watching LOST.
*not in the same cosmetic's line pink, but a cool PIR personalized shade of pink.
** like "PIR LVR" or "VAL PIR" or "LVN PIR" or "LUV W/O"
-chocolate
-candy hearts
-chocolate candy hearts
-chocolate candy heart shaped underwear
-chocolate candy heart shaped underwear inscribed with "I (heart) Bob"
-chocolate candy heart shaped underwear inscribed with "I (heart) Bob" modeled by a beauty driving a bright pink brand new car.*
-chocolate candy heart shaped underwear inscribed with "I (heart) Bob" modeled by a beauty driving a bright pink brand new car* with personalized license plates with an appropriate phrase.**
That is all, enjoy your hugs and kisses, I'll be watching LOST.
*not in the same cosmetic's line pink, but a cool PIR personalized shade of pink.
** like "PIR LVR" or "VAL PIR" or "LVN PIR" or "LUV W/O"
Friday, February 09, 2007
Scenario #616 cont.
Sincere apologies Mr. Carson, it seems I've found my blender. I had forgotten the removal of the blender from my residence for an event a few weekends back involving some quantities of blender specialty drinks. Again this misplacement is bore on my shoulders and should be of no concern to you.
Also the status report from Mr. Fisher has come back, but it puts you as a blond. Which can't possibly be right unless that California air has invaded your mental state (and from previous correspondence I am not ruling that out.)
That said, I've discontinued that relationship and he should be no worry to you in upcoming months.
This does not discount some disturbing facts however. Indianapolis in particular, as I have made not one red cent from the city, but I feel that you may have had money on their team. Rio, I still have no idea if you are referring to some previous correspondence or just making things up to confuse. Lastly, 'fond regards' means what it means, and if a professional relationship is going to continue I would appreciate this type of politeness.
Forever grateful for your response, supposing that said response is not as violently angry as has been as of late.
-Alex.
Also the status report from Mr. Fisher has come back, but it puts you as a blond. Which can't possibly be right unless that California air has invaded your mental state (and from previous correspondence I am not ruling that out.)
That said, I've discontinued that relationship and he should be no worry to you in upcoming months.
This does not discount some disturbing facts however. Indianapolis in particular, as I have made not one red cent from the city, but I feel that you may have had money on their team. Rio, I still have no idea if you are referring to some previous correspondence or just making things up to confuse. Lastly, 'fond regards' means what it means, and if a professional relationship is going to continue I would appreciate this type of politeness.
Forever grateful for your response, supposing that said response is not as violently angry as has been as of late.
-Alex.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Retirement Scenario # 112
Los Angeles (AP)- The Price is Right has announced a new direction for it's fateful last day with Bob Barker, who is set to retire following the last taping in July.
What seemed like a carnival on the CBS lot, was in fact just that. Singers and performers have been traveling to Los Angeles to perform in the first ever game show musical, tentatively titled "The Price of Music."
"We thought that with all the musical endeavors other shows embark on, why should The Price is Right be left out." Associate Producer Josh Rentondal I said. "These kind of shows have become very popular since Buffy the Vampire Slayer did a musical, but our beauties can sing even better than Sara Michelle. We are still working on the show's title however."
Fans are skeptical however, but "the power of Bob keeps our hopes up," said Kevin McCandle.
Barker himself is set to do the grand finale, a rendition of Patsy Cline's If you've got leaving on your mind, while also giving away several luxury cars.
What seemed like a carnival on the CBS lot, was in fact just that. Singers and performers have been traveling to Los Angeles to perform in the first ever game show musical, tentatively titled "The Price of Music."
"We thought that with all the musical endeavors other shows embark on, why should The Price is Right be left out." Associate Producer Josh Rentondal I said. "These kind of shows have become very popular since Buffy the Vampire Slayer did a musical, but our beauties can sing even better than Sara Michelle. We are still working on the show's title however."
Fans are skeptical however, but "the power of Bob keeps our hopes up," said Kevin McCandle.
Barker himself is set to do the grand finale, a rendition of Patsy Cline's If you've got leaving on your mind, while also giving away several luxury cars.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
PIR Retirement Scenario #s 954, 955, 956, 957.
With the final days of the Price coming soon, I've decided to come up with some extra fun PIR games to be played on the last showing. These new-and-exciting pricing games will possibly cast a shadow on Bob's absence and keep viewers loyal.
# 954- 52 Pickup.
In the final moments of The Price is Right, a contestant is asked to find the five digits of their "brand new car" in a deck of cards. To complicate things Bob throws the deck of cards all over the stage and laughs as the contestant frantically tries to find the correct numbers within sixty seconds.
# 955- The Name Game.
In order to win a completely new kitchen (appliances, tiles, countertops and the lot) contestant Mary O'Shari is asked to pick randomly six letters. Remembering her time as a viewer of Wheel of Fortune* she chooses R-L-S-T-N-E**. Bob then gives her the price of a new Chevelot Cobalt, 16,725 in U.S. dollars. Mary is then instructed to go into the name tag filled audience and pick people with first names starting with R, L, ect. She then ends up with 1 Nancy- 2 Ryan's, 1 Robert, 3 Ricardo's- 5 Sara's, 1 Susan, 1 Starlett- 2 Evans- 3 Toms, 1 Tamika, 1 Thomson. These add up to create 16,725 and she wins the car. While this new game did promote audience involvement, it took far too long and only one person won any prizes, well beside the Elvis collector coins for those in contestant row.
# 956- The Marionette.
One contestant is told to go completely limp, another is told to control the first contestant through huge strings and cables attached to pulleys on the ceiling. The second contestant then manipulates the first on a shopping spree, any prizes put in a bin are split between contestants.***
# 957 The Carousel.
Prizes are set on various stages of the carousel in between animals, contestants must jump on and off in sixty seconds with whatever prizes they can grab. Contestants must sign waivers for fatality possibilities.
As always, stay tuned.
*I'm sorry becoming involved in other game shows is not normally PIR Blog style, but to illustrate a point.
** I've always been confused by these letter, only because it's really darn close to R.L. Stine, you know that adolescent horror author.
*** I realize after writing this that this wouldn't work at all, but might look funny.
# 954- 52 Pickup.
In the final moments of The Price is Right, a contestant is asked to find the five digits of their "brand new car" in a deck of cards. To complicate things Bob throws the deck of cards all over the stage and laughs as the contestant frantically tries to find the correct numbers within sixty seconds.
# 955- The Name Game.
In order to win a completely new kitchen (appliances, tiles, countertops and the lot) contestant Mary O'Shari is asked to pick randomly six letters. Remembering her time as a viewer of Wheel of Fortune* she chooses R-L-S-T-N-E**. Bob then gives her the price of a new Chevelot Cobalt, 16,725 in U.S. dollars. Mary is then instructed to go into the name tag filled audience and pick people with first names starting with R, L, ect. She then ends up with 1 Nancy- 2 Ryan's, 1 Robert, 3 Ricardo's- 5 Sara's, 1 Susan, 1 Starlett- 2 Evans- 3 Toms, 1 Tamika, 1 Thomson. These add up to create 16,725 and she wins the car. While this new game did promote audience involvement, it took far too long and only one person won any prizes, well beside the Elvis collector coins for those in contestant row.
# 956- The Marionette.
One contestant is told to go completely limp, another is told to control the first contestant through huge strings and cables attached to pulleys on the ceiling. The second contestant then manipulates the first on a shopping spree, any prizes put in a bin are split between contestants.***
# 957 The Carousel.
Prizes are set on various stages of the carousel in between animals, contestants must jump on and off in sixty seconds with whatever prizes they can grab. Contestants must sign waivers for fatality possibilities.
As always, stay tuned.
*I'm sorry becoming involved in other game shows is not normally PIR Blog style, but to illustrate a point.
** I've always been confused by these letter, only because it's really darn close to R.L. Stine, you know that adolescent horror author.
*** I realize after writing this that this wouldn't work at all, but might look funny.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Retirement Scenario #616 continued
Alex, you despicable traitor. After all I've done you hire some P.I. to look after me? I can't believe your audacity you sniveling worm. Mr. Fisher sounds like a stage name for a burlesque dancer in Milwaukie, keep your dollar bills Alex you'll be on the street soon with this kind of betrayal.
First, you are not abiding my requests for conversation. Fine, I don't have time for flight paths any longer anyway and my patience with you is running thin.
Second, are you taking bribes from the Indianapolis boosters? I wouldn't put it past you, greedy dog. What are they paying you in, peanuts? I'll triple it! I'll stop at 7-11 on the way home and get four bags, I'll overnight them, you'll have them by Thursday.
Third, Rio, you stupid Mooninite. Remember.
Fourth, "fond regards"? Please explain this "fond regards"? I can't see how an investigator and giving personal information is any where near "fond" nor polite, friendly or even with warm intentions.
The blender is no longer the issue, if I see you again without rectification on this course we are done, history, may as well have never been.
C.
First, you are not abiding my requests for conversation. Fine, I don't have time for flight paths any longer anyway and my patience with you is running thin.
Second, are you taking bribes from the Indianapolis boosters? I wouldn't put it past you, greedy dog. What are they paying you in, peanuts? I'll triple it! I'll stop at 7-11 on the way home and get four bags, I'll overnight them, you'll have them by Thursday.
Third, Rio, you stupid Mooninite. Remember.
Fourth, "fond regards"? Please explain this "fond regards"? I can't see how an investigator and giving personal information is any where near "fond" nor polite, friendly or even with warm intentions.
The blender is no longer the issue, if I see you again without rectification on this course we are done, history, may as well have never been.
C.
# 616 continued.
Carson, I've hired a private investigator to further this matter. I thought it would be at least friendly to advise. His name is Barton Fisher, please assist him if you can. He's from Chicago and well known thereabouts. Please do not see this as a personal attack, far from. I just want my blender back, that is all.
I like to blend. I like that blender. I like good food and I know more about puree functions than you can possibly understand. Barker as well. No other blender will do. Again this is no joke to me.
Also Indianapolis is no ploy. I've seen it. Skyscrapers and all. It does exist, it's just a bit out of reach. You have to at least try . Don't give up. Perseverance is the key to a fruitful life. That train did it, it took some time, some chugging, but... well you know the story.
I'm beginning to worry about you a bit. This elevation thing, as well as your misgivings about the internet. You're being paranoid. Sleep more, or less, or whatever.
I've forwarded your information to Mr. Fisher, he is quite accomplished and may be able to provide assistance to you as well. Just be cooperative, he doesn't take well to back talk or belittlement and I know how you can be sometimes.
Lastly take a vacation, this is obviously very trying for you.
In fond regards.
Alex
I like to blend. I like that blender. I like good food and I know more about puree functions than you can possibly understand. Barker as well. No other blender will do. Again this is no joke to me.
Also Indianapolis is no ploy. I've seen it. Skyscrapers and all. It does exist, it's just a bit out of reach. You have to at least try . Don't give up. Perseverance is the key to a fruitful life. That train did it, it took some time, some chugging, but... well you know the story.
I'm beginning to worry about you a bit. This elevation thing, as well as your misgivings about the internet. You're being paranoid. Sleep more, or less, or whatever.
I've forwarded your information to Mr. Fisher, he is quite accomplished and may be able to provide assistance to you as well. Just be cooperative, he doesn't take well to back talk or belittlement and I know how you can be sometimes.
Lastly take a vacation, this is obviously very trying for you.
In fond regards.
Alex
More Elvis on PIR
Again, the King.
So besides an I-Pod accessories kit contestants not appearing only in contestant row received a collection of Elvis coins. While not to be used as any particular denomination, they may make great pogs.
Just another sign that market research for PIR is done solely through this blog. I'm not making this up.
Yours.
So besides an I-Pod accessories kit contestants not appearing only in contestant row received a collection of Elvis coins. While not to be used as any particular denomination, they may make great pogs.
Just another sign that market research for PIR is done solely through this blog. I'm not making this up.
Yours.
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