Camera pans over a half empty studio and focuses on stage. Stage is empty. Camera pans over a half empty studio, about half way through pan view is filtered through a green screen. Camera continues to pan over empty stage and half empty studio with camera filters changing color every two to three minutes. Eventually, fifteen to twenty minutes, the camera slows to stage and stops on empty stage.
Announcer finally begins show by speaking but his voice is that of Charlie Brown's teacher, thus unintelligible.
Announcer- Whaa whaa, woa, wha wha wha.
The half empty studio responds with varied enthusiasm, ranging from all out devotions of love to lulled boos. One man, with a nametag that reads "the savior" stands up yells.
The Savior- Quit hugging the alphabet Bob!
Mr. Barker is not seen as he is backstage sitting under a hundred year old sacred fig. He hasn't spoken to anyone since 3:30 a.m. the previous morning after sipping Kool Aid while mingling in the audience waiting line.
The camera color changes to purple.
Stage hands start indiscriminately bringing prizes onstage including a brightly colored Cadillac, a cardboard cutout of Fiji, a popcorn machine and two hundred fifteen bottles of supplement.
The audience is, again, torn in excitement. Some hiss, others laugh. One man, with a name tag reading "Life" or "Death" depending on if it's viewed right side up or down, begins to walk down the aisle to the stage. He is cut off by a man whose name tag shows "Jeb" crossed out and "Elvis" written under it.
Jeb/Elvis begins to sing into a bottle of supplement. He starts with "A Little Less Conversation" but soon moves into "Suspicious Minds". At this point the crowd is only happy.
The camera color changes to yellow.
Life/Death crawls into the glass enclosure of the popcorn machine and refuses to get out.
Several audience members begin to build a pyramid of supplement bottles with great intensity, by the end of the show this will be over twelve feet high.
Several other audience members sit quietly in front of the Fiji sign. One seems very cold and has her hands stretched towards the cardboard sunset.
The camera color changes red.
The Announcer- Wha, wha, waa waa.
While still unintelligible, Jeb/Elvis takes this as a request for "In The Ghetto" and begins the song to much jubilation. It is said that even Mr. Barker cracked a slight smile, but this is not true.
The camera color fades from red to black very slowly eventually going completely black, fifteen to twenty minutes.
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1 comment:
hugging the alphabet??????
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