(from a memo taken stealthily from Mark Goodson's desk in the wee hours of 12/30/06 while wearing sneakers.)
1) More dynamic prizes-
People are tired of the same old bedroom sets and RV's, possible alternatives are space shuttle rides, indentured servants, monkey helpers, ect.
2) A new charitable organization
With Barker leaving in July, we'll need a focus besides spaying and neutering suggested charities include PASS (the People Against Scientology and all it Stands for), some children type Chernobyl effort, teaching reading (everyone likes to read) and/or on a serious note Reporters without Borders.
3) Hire more "realistic" models
Same sense as some "Dove" commercials where full figured woman are used, some models could include...
(it should be noted that either Mark Goodson or the person this memo was sent from had crossed out # 3 on this list, possibly due to market research on ugly people in regards to television.)
4) An All "Price is Right" channel running 24 hours 7 days a week 364 days a year.
Only December 12th would be off air, in respect
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Bob and A Tribute to the King.
Early I had mused on one of the most troubling aspects of the Price, advertising. I solved my problem with a half-hearted answer, like asking a person for directions and receiving a blank "yes." (I'll link to the previous post later, or at least let you know which one I'm speaking of, it's titled The Enemy in the Best of PIR # 2 below.)
But the game is stepping it up. Maybe it's the impending retirement, perhaps a final run of glory. Like Neil Young said "it's better to burn out, than to fade away."
The more capitalist-corporate-money or nothing part of me says it's a good way to keep people watching, even if the soul of it is leaving. (Also lets take a minute for the godfather of soul please.)
..
..
..
..
..
Today, while partially ignoring the Hoverround commercials, something caught my eye... or rather my ear. A Elvis box set that's like heaven falling to earth. A full DVD set with over fifty-five recordings that have been bombarded with digital enhancement. This for only two payments of twenty-four ninety-five.
Now I'm not going to buy it, I have no real need or want, but I'm glad to see that they are trying.
Till that day.
But the game is stepping it up. Maybe it's the impending retirement, perhaps a final run of glory. Like Neil Young said "it's better to burn out, than to fade away."
The more capitalist-corporate-money or nothing part of me says it's a good way to keep people watching, even if the soul of it is leaving. (Also lets take a minute for the godfather of soul please.)
..
..
..
..
..
Today, while partially ignoring the Hoverround commercials, something caught my eye... or rather my ear. A Elvis box set that's like heaven falling to earth. A full DVD set with over fifty-five recordings that have been bombarded with digital enhancement. This for only two payments of twenty-four ninety-five.
Now I'm not going to buy it, I have no real need or want, but I'm glad to see that they are trying.
Till that day.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
A host and A temptation
Mary Ann was called to "come on down" just moments ago, she cleverly tried to pass by contestants row and stood on Bob's left waiting for her chance to win a car/bedroom set/RV.
Bob was not fooled. Explained that despite her "Turned 80 today and am still a Beauty" shirt, the fact that Bob put her at 65 cause she looks so good, and the general rule of the world allocating better things/circumstance/situation to those who are deemed as a step above the rest looks wise, Mary Ann had to proceed through the game in fair fashion like everyone else.
When politeness didn't work, Bob said "get off my stage and back to where you belong."
Bob was not fooled. Explained that despite her "Turned 80 today and am still a Beauty" shirt, the fact that Bob put her at 65 cause she looks so good, and the general rule of the world allocating better things/circumstance/situation to those who are deemed as a step above the rest looks wise, Mary Ann had to proceed through the game in fair fashion like everyone else.
When politeness didn't work, Bob said "get off my stage and back to where you belong."
Monday, December 25, 2006
Retirement for the holidays #25
From sources at the Weekly World News, Bob Barker of The Price is Right fame has revealed himself as the real Santa Claus.
For years he said hiding his true identity was a fun part of his day to day routine, but since going into retirement will free up so much time Bob plans to really focus on Christmas this year.
Which means we'll all have to watch what we do a bit more attentively this coming year, because Bob's going to have time enough to check that list more than just twice.
For years he said hiding his true identity was a fun part of his day to day routine, but since going into retirement will free up so much time Bob plans to really focus on Christmas this year.
Which means we'll all have to watch what we do a bit more attentively this coming year, because Bob's going to have time enough to check that list more than just twice.
Monday, December 18, 2006
PIR Retirement scenarios 28, 497, 1006 of 1523
28. Zombies. Lots and lots of Zombies.
497. A Hostel type studio trap enabling Bob and company to continue living the life of luxury through the illegal slave trade (I've never seen the movie but I would like this to convey the type of horror and desperation the trailers conveyed to me.)
1006. Ironically, one thousand and six, is the number of times Matthew Willard Smith tried and failed to appear on The Price is Right. Matthew's garage is a shrine of "I *heart* Bob" shirts progressing to "Bob, head for stage time?," to "let me onstage or I'LL KILL YOU BOB!" Matthew had relinquished his obsession with The Price Is Right and concentrated on refurbishing old radio transistors, until during one early morning the radio started spitting out Bob's cheerful words. Matthew wouldn't have even paid attention, he was past step twelve, except that a Matthew Smith was called to stage. Matthew Willard Smith hung himself moments later, Matthew John Smith won a new car and was defeated in the showcase showdown.
497. A Hostel type studio trap enabling Bob and company to continue living the life of luxury through the illegal slave trade (I've never seen the movie but I would like this to convey the type of horror and desperation the trailers conveyed to me.)
1006. Ironically, one thousand and six, is the number of times Matthew Willard Smith tried and failed to appear on The Price is Right. Matthew's garage is a shrine of "I *heart* Bob" shirts progressing to "Bob, head for stage time?," to "let me onstage or I'LL KILL YOU BOB!" Matthew had relinquished his obsession with The Price Is Right and concentrated on refurbishing old radio transistors, until during one early morning the radio started spitting out Bob's cheerful words. Matthew wouldn't have even paid attention, he was past step twelve, except that a Matthew Smith was called to stage. Matthew Willard Smith hung himself moments later, Matthew John Smith won a new car and was defeated in the showcase showdown.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
a history
Before the sun had risen yesterday or the day before, Jesus of Nazareth spent forty days fasting in the desert after his baptism. Shortly after beginning, the Devil appeared to Jesus and spent efforts tempting him to prove his heavenly influence. That Jesus did not give in to these temptations is well known.
It is not as well known what happened only three days in to Jesus' journey.
But this is not the beginning of this story.
Prior to his death in 9 B.C.Decimus Claudius Drusus, otherwise known as Nero and an eventual consul to the Roman Empire, met what he believed to be a hermit traveling through the Alps. It is believed that the day was cloudy and the supposed hermit asked Nero the direction west.
Nero, surprised to see someone else in such a desolate place, asked what would bring someone to such circumstance. The man responded that he was walking around the world to spread his message. Nero thought to himself the message must be important and vowed , without hearing the message, that he too would spread the message in his travels. The supposed hermit told Nero that the importance lies not in how many know the message, but in the even seldom use of the wisdom.
While is is not known if they had coffee or tea, Nero and this man spoke for seven days, mostly about what would become known commonly as "the butterfly effect" and what direction was in fact west. Before parting the man told Nero his message.
Nero would only pass this information on to one other person by the end of his life. The head of janitorial services in his favorite bath house. That man, as well, enjoyed a pleasant life and is said to have told no one the message.
Some scholars argue that the message in question never existed and what they were in fact so occupied with what was merely the "butterfly effect." So much so that people deny any other message and have begun to spread the "butterfly" theory to the world. Most notably Ray Bradbury's fiction and a recent Hollywood portrayal. These people have been misguided, the supposed hermit was illustrating a point.
By the time Jesus of Nazareth was famously fasting in the desert the hermit had passed on and had only traveled seventy miles on his course around the world. It is believed he was an enthusiastic speaker and would stop for days on the basis of enjoying company.
He did enlist a young man prior to passing. The young man idealistically followed the hermit's abandoned path, but this younger man also had trouble with direction. This caused him to be lost in the desert for some time, eventually passing Jesus on his exit.
The young man told Jesus he was going the wrong way, that the only thing where he was headed was the Devil. And, while Jesus didn't take this literally, the young man was correct. Jesus told the young man that he didn't have a choice, that it was his path.
The young man told Jesus that he didn't have time to argue with him about right and wrong, but again warned the Devil was out there and that Jesus would surely run into him.
Normally the young man would have loved to argue, as he was very impressive in debate. His most recent conquering came while arguing the amount of grains of sand in the desert with the Devil. The topic lasted about two weeks, and while the younger man was most assuredly wrong in the number, the Devil eventually agreed with him. The young man left after asking the Devil the direction and by the time he met Jesus he was very unimpressed with what the desert had to offer, thus would not stay to argue with Jesus.
He did give Jesus a message however, to aid him in his travels. Jesus himself did not relate the message to anyone else, possibly in an attempt not to obscure his own message, but did begin referring to himself with an emphasis on 'Son".
The message was passed on throughout the world and ages. It did not make it to the British Isles until sometime later and perhaps would have delayed the loss of influence had it been related earlier.
The hermits and travelers prospered as well. With one taking over as one passed and some astrological anomaly making most of them have problematic issues with direction. It is said that one did not have this issue, but had a similar one in relation to the hour or date.
The influence of the message spread with each traveler and prospered to the others it was given. Notable receivers include Sinatra in relation to claims of organized crime ties and D.B. Cooper's one time exploit in Portland.
The message gained worldwide notice when it was first publicly stated explicitly on television in 1956. Bob Stewart was given the message by a street vendor in NYC, the last known whereabouts of the travelers spreading the message.
While not stating the exact purpose of the game show, the message was in constant view, used-recycled-used and continues until this day.
The End.
It is not as well known what happened only three days in to Jesus' journey.
But this is not the beginning of this story.
Prior to his death in 9 B.C.Decimus Claudius Drusus, otherwise known as Nero and an eventual consul to the Roman Empire, met what he believed to be a hermit traveling through the Alps. It is believed that the day was cloudy and the supposed hermit asked Nero the direction west.
Nero, surprised to see someone else in such a desolate place, asked what would bring someone to such circumstance. The man responded that he was walking around the world to spread his message. Nero thought to himself the message must be important and vowed , without hearing the message, that he too would spread the message in his travels. The supposed hermit told Nero that the importance lies not in how many know the message, but in the even seldom use of the wisdom.
While is is not known if they had coffee or tea, Nero and this man spoke for seven days, mostly about what would become known commonly as "the butterfly effect" and what direction was in fact west. Before parting the man told Nero his message.
Nero would only pass this information on to one other person by the end of his life. The head of janitorial services in his favorite bath house. That man, as well, enjoyed a pleasant life and is said to have told no one the message.
Some scholars argue that the message in question never existed and what they were in fact so occupied with what was merely the "butterfly effect." So much so that people deny any other message and have begun to spread the "butterfly" theory to the world. Most notably Ray Bradbury's fiction and a recent Hollywood portrayal. These people have been misguided, the supposed hermit was illustrating a point.
By the time Jesus of Nazareth was famously fasting in the desert the hermit had passed on and had only traveled seventy miles on his course around the world. It is believed he was an enthusiastic speaker and would stop for days on the basis of enjoying company.
He did enlist a young man prior to passing. The young man idealistically followed the hermit's abandoned path, but this younger man also had trouble with direction. This caused him to be lost in the desert for some time, eventually passing Jesus on his exit.
The young man told Jesus he was going the wrong way, that the only thing where he was headed was the Devil. And, while Jesus didn't take this literally, the young man was correct. Jesus told the young man that he didn't have a choice, that it was his path.
The young man told Jesus that he didn't have time to argue with him about right and wrong, but again warned the Devil was out there and that Jesus would surely run into him.
Normally the young man would have loved to argue, as he was very impressive in debate. His most recent conquering came while arguing the amount of grains of sand in the desert with the Devil. The topic lasted about two weeks, and while the younger man was most assuredly wrong in the number, the Devil eventually agreed with him. The young man left after asking the Devil the direction and by the time he met Jesus he was very unimpressed with what the desert had to offer, thus would not stay to argue with Jesus.
He did give Jesus a message however, to aid him in his travels. Jesus himself did not relate the message to anyone else, possibly in an attempt not to obscure his own message, but did begin referring to himself with an emphasis on 'Son".
The message was passed on throughout the world and ages. It did not make it to the British Isles until sometime later and perhaps would have delayed the loss of influence had it been related earlier.
The hermits and travelers prospered as well. With one taking over as one passed and some astrological anomaly making most of them have problematic issues with direction. It is said that one did not have this issue, but had a similar one in relation to the hour or date.
The influence of the message spread with each traveler and prospered to the others it was given. Notable receivers include Sinatra in relation to claims of organized crime ties and D.B. Cooper's one time exploit in Portland.
The message gained worldwide notice when it was first publicly stated explicitly on television in 1956. Bob Stewart was given the message by a street vendor in NYC, the last known whereabouts of the travelers spreading the message.
While not stating the exact purpose of the game show, the message was in constant view, used-recycled-used and continues until this day.
The End.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
PIR Retirement show scenario #1121of 1523
Los Angeles (AP)- In an unprecedented television scandal, Bob Barker, of former The Price is Right fame, has been accused of stealing what worked out to be three hundred fifty three thousand two hundred twenty one dollars in prize money. Ironically this is over five times the top amount of prize money ever won on The Price is Right.
What was going to be Barker's final show on July 7th 2007 will never be shown. The producers showed up at the day of taping to find all the prizes set aside for a retirement spectacular missing. CBS claims to have footage of Barker loading numerous prizes into vans and SUVs, also prizes to be given away.
Among the things claimed by CBS to the insurance company were several blenders, numerous cases of supplement bottles, two Cadillac's, four high definition TVs, an RV, several dining sets and bedroom sets, three snowmobiles, a sailboat, and an undisclosed amount of cash.
CBS has declined to comment and Barker's whereabouts are unknown.
What was going to be Barker's final show on July 7th 2007 will never be shown. The producers showed up at the day of taping to find all the prizes set aside for a retirement spectacular missing. CBS claims to have footage of Barker loading numerous prizes into vans and SUVs, also prizes to be given away.
Among the things claimed by CBS to the insurance company were several blenders, numerous cases of supplement bottles, two Cadillac's, four high definition TVs, an RV, several dining sets and bedroom sets, three snowmobiles, a sailboat, and an undisclosed amount of cash.
CBS has declined to comment and Barker's whereabouts are unknown.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
PIR Retirement show scenario #517 of 1523
Los Angeles CA - In an apparent move to undermine NASA creditability and territorial claim, CBS has announced that Bob Barker's last show will be broadcast from a moonbase.
Barker, who hosts The Price is Right, has stated that the July 7th, 2007 show will be his last.
While evidence of this claim has yet to be in full public disclosure, CBS has stated they are "very confident" that this will be the finest moment in television history.
NASA spokes person Barb Russell has called these claims "utterly ridiculous," even saying that the move "has no scientific merit and is merely a marketing gimmick."
Fans of the widely popular daytime show have already been lining up for a position in the audience. One was seen wearing a " I *heart* the Moon" t-shirt.
CBS also indicated they would not be paying for shipping on prizes won during the final taping.
"That's been our policy since day one. You win it, you take it away." CBS spokes person William Tflett.
Barker, who hosts The Price is Right, has stated that the July 7th, 2007 show will be his last.
While evidence of this claim has yet to be in full public disclosure, CBS has stated they are "very confident" that this will be the finest moment in television history.
NASA spokes person Barb Russell has called these claims "utterly ridiculous," even saying that the move "has no scientific merit and is merely a marketing gimmick."
Fans of the widely popular daytime show have already been lining up for a position in the audience. One was seen wearing a " I *heart* the Moon" t-shirt.
CBS also indicated they would not be paying for shipping on prizes won during the final taping.
"That's been our policy since day one. You win it, you take it away." CBS spokes person William Tflett.
Friday, December 08, 2006
PIR Retirement show scenario #752 of 1523
Camera pans over a half empty studio and focuses on stage. Stage is empty. Camera pans over a half empty studio, about half way through pan view is filtered through a green screen. Camera continues to pan over empty stage and half empty studio with camera filters changing color every two to three minutes. Eventually, fifteen to twenty minutes, the camera slows to stage and stops on empty stage.
Announcer finally begins show by speaking but his voice is that of Charlie Brown's teacher, thus unintelligible.
Announcer- Whaa whaa, woa, wha wha wha.
The half empty studio responds with varied enthusiasm, ranging from all out devotions of love to lulled boos. One man, with a nametag that reads "the savior" stands up yells.
The Savior- Quit hugging the alphabet Bob!
Mr. Barker is not seen as he is backstage sitting under a hundred year old sacred fig. He hasn't spoken to anyone since 3:30 a.m. the previous morning after sipping Kool Aid while mingling in the audience waiting line.
The camera color changes to purple.
Stage hands start indiscriminately bringing prizes onstage including a brightly colored Cadillac, a cardboard cutout of Fiji, a popcorn machine and two hundred fifteen bottles of supplement.
The audience is, again, torn in excitement. Some hiss, others laugh. One man, with a name tag reading "Life" or "Death" depending on if it's viewed right side up or down, begins to walk down the aisle to the stage. He is cut off by a man whose name tag shows "Jeb" crossed out and "Elvis" written under it.
Jeb/Elvis begins to sing into a bottle of supplement. He starts with "A Little Less Conversation" but soon moves into "Suspicious Minds". At this point the crowd is only happy.
The camera color changes to yellow.
Life/Death crawls into the glass enclosure of the popcorn machine and refuses to get out.
Several audience members begin to build a pyramid of supplement bottles with great intensity, by the end of the show this will be over twelve feet high.
Several other audience members sit quietly in front of the Fiji sign. One seems very cold and has her hands stretched towards the cardboard sunset.
The camera color changes red.
The Announcer- Wha, wha, waa waa.
While still unintelligible, Jeb/Elvis takes this as a request for "In The Ghetto" and begins the song to much jubilation. It is said that even Mr. Barker cracked a slight smile, but this is not true.
The camera color fades from red to black very slowly eventually going completely black, fifteen to twenty minutes.
Announcer finally begins show by speaking but his voice is that of Charlie Brown's teacher, thus unintelligible.
Announcer- Whaa whaa, woa, wha wha wha.
The half empty studio responds with varied enthusiasm, ranging from all out devotions of love to lulled boos. One man, with a nametag that reads "the savior" stands up yells.
The Savior- Quit hugging the alphabet Bob!
Mr. Barker is not seen as he is backstage sitting under a hundred year old sacred fig. He hasn't spoken to anyone since 3:30 a.m. the previous morning after sipping Kool Aid while mingling in the audience waiting line.
The camera color changes to purple.
Stage hands start indiscriminately bringing prizes onstage including a brightly colored Cadillac, a cardboard cutout of Fiji, a popcorn machine and two hundred fifteen bottles of supplement.
The audience is, again, torn in excitement. Some hiss, others laugh. One man, with a name tag reading "Life" or "Death" depending on if it's viewed right side up or down, begins to walk down the aisle to the stage. He is cut off by a man whose name tag shows "Jeb" crossed out and "Elvis" written under it.
Jeb/Elvis begins to sing into a bottle of supplement. He starts with "A Little Less Conversation" but soon moves into "Suspicious Minds". At this point the crowd is only happy.
The camera color changes to yellow.
Life/Death crawls into the glass enclosure of the popcorn machine and refuses to get out.
Several audience members begin to build a pyramid of supplement bottles with great intensity, by the end of the show this will be over twelve feet high.
Several other audience members sit quietly in front of the Fiji sign. One seems very cold and has her hands stretched towards the cardboard sunset.
The camera color changes red.
The Announcer- Wha, wha, waa waa.
While still unintelligible, Jeb/Elvis takes this as a request for "In The Ghetto" and begins the song to much jubilation. It is said that even Mr. Barker cracked a slight smile, but this is not true.
The camera color fades from red to black very slowly eventually going completely black, fifteen to twenty minutes.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
PIR final show scenario # 463 of 1523
Los Angeles, CA (AP)- After fifty years hosting America's favorite gameshow, Bob Barker was fatally shot while taping his final show before retirement on Monday.
Barker was host of the CBS gameshow The Price is Right and had announced his retirement several months ago. His final show was set to air on July 7th, 2007, but will now not be shown due to recent events.
While investigators initially thought this was a routine celebrity shooting, recent evidence indicates that Barker himself may have been involved.
Chuck Barris, host of such popular television programs as The Gong Show and The Dating Game, was apprehended shortly after the incident and the LAPD have released a statement charging Barris with the murder.
Ironically, in a statement released by Barris' attorney, Barris has taken credit for the shooting but states he was setup by Barker.
"Regretfully I fell victim to Bob's will," Barris' attorney read, "Bob didn't want to just fade into the Hollywood sunset and requested my services. I unfortunately overlooked the speedy response of Los Angeles' finest."
Barris, in an autobiography based on his life, claimed to have been a CIA operative and assassin with over a hundred confirmed kills. This claim has yet to be verified.
Los Angeles investigators have stated they are looking into every aspect of the case.
"It's L.A. and at this point we're not ruling anything out." stated LAPD correspondent Eric Nickol.
________________________________________
"a little less conversation, a little more action"- Elvis
Barker was host of the CBS gameshow The Price is Right and had announced his retirement several months ago. His final show was set to air on July 7th, 2007, but will now not be shown due to recent events.
While investigators initially thought this was a routine celebrity shooting, recent evidence indicates that Barker himself may have been involved.
Chuck Barris, host of such popular television programs as The Gong Show and The Dating Game, was apprehended shortly after the incident and the LAPD have released a statement charging Barris with the murder.
Ironically, in a statement released by Barris' attorney, Barris has taken credit for the shooting but states he was setup by Barker.
"Regretfully I fell victim to Bob's will," Barris' attorney read, "Bob didn't want to just fade into the Hollywood sunset and requested my services. I unfortunately overlooked the speedy response of Los Angeles' finest."
Barris, in an autobiography based on his life, claimed to have been a CIA operative and assassin with over a hundred confirmed kills. This claim has yet to be verified.
Los Angeles investigators have stated they are looking into every aspect of the case.
"It's L.A. and at this point we're not ruling anything out." stated LAPD correspondent Eric Nickol.
________________________________________
"a little less conversation, a little more action"- Elvis
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Possible retirement show transcripts. Number 1 of 1523.
Camera pans applauding crowd and stage, a banner stating 'Congratulations Bob' hangs over the stage as a reminder to Mr. Barker's last day prior to retirement. The announcer continues the opening lines.
Announcer- ... America's favorite gameshow, a entire hour with fun filled games and exciting prizes. And now your host of The Price Is Right... Bob Barker.
Continued applause as the camera pans to the left stage entrance in anticipation of Mr. Barker. Applause continues, quietly subsides for a moment when Mr. Barker still isn't shown, then rebounds to the normal decibel for the studio as the "applause" indicators light up.
Another moment passes with no sight of Mr. Barker.
Announcer- And now your host of The Price Is Right, Bob Barker.
Behind stage a frantic producer finds Mr. Barker in his suite/ dressing room and prods him to go onstage. The producer produces some stage hands and they carry Mr. Barker to the stage. Mr. Barker is heavy footed and has to be pushed onto stage. The applause had once again quieted, but becomes excitedly overdone on Mr. Barker's appearance.
Without warning an audience member, wearing a " I *heart with X over it* retirement", takes a running jump onto the stage and hugs Mr. Barker before being taken off stage by security.
In the chaos a half full pint bottle of tequila falls from Mr. Barker's Pocket. A shocked audience realizes then that the famous host has been pounding tequila for six hours prior to taping. Some overly concerned audience member with a "hello my name is Deb" name tag, yells.
Deb- No Bob, don't let it take you like it took my husband.
Mr. Barker responds in a slur of barely audible noises before falling off stage and ending his career. Audience members leave in a calm and organized fashion. Every audience member is provided a new blender in exchange for signing a "I didn't see that happen" disclaimer.
Announcer- ... America's favorite gameshow, a entire hour with fun filled games and exciting prizes. And now your host of The Price Is Right... Bob Barker.
Continued applause as the camera pans to the left stage entrance in anticipation of Mr. Barker. Applause continues, quietly subsides for a moment when Mr. Barker still isn't shown, then rebounds to the normal decibel for the studio as the "applause" indicators light up.
Another moment passes with no sight of Mr. Barker.
Announcer- And now your host of The Price Is Right, Bob Barker.
Behind stage a frantic producer finds Mr. Barker in his suite/ dressing room and prods him to go onstage. The producer produces some stage hands and they carry Mr. Barker to the stage. Mr. Barker is heavy footed and has to be pushed onto stage. The applause had once again quieted, but becomes excitedly overdone on Mr. Barker's appearance.
Without warning an audience member, wearing a " I *heart with X over it* retirement", takes a running jump onto the stage and hugs Mr. Barker before being taken off stage by security.
In the chaos a half full pint bottle of tequila falls from Mr. Barker's Pocket. A shocked audience realizes then that the famous host has been pounding tequila for six hours prior to taping. Some overly concerned audience member with a "hello my name is Deb" name tag, yells.
Deb- No Bob, don't let it take you like it took my husband.
Mr. Barker responds in a slur of barely audible noises before falling off stage and ending his career. Audience members leave in a calm and organized fashion. Every audience member is provided a new blender in exchange for signing a "I didn't see that happen" disclaimer.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
PIR for the Children Part 2
Camera Pans Crowd of rowdy 6-10 year olds, all screaming and clapping, a standing ovation for the host yet to be seen.
Snoopy enters from left, waits for the applause to quiet.
Snoopy- Woodstock, we need some contestants here on contestant row.
Woodstock- Squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk
Close Caption- We need Kelly Rochelle, George Allen, Jaime Yurogz, and Tompkins in contestants row, Come on Down!
Snoopy- Okay, our first item up for bid is a toy lawn mower.
Woodstock- Squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk
Close Caption- This Toy Lawnmower is from Tyco, complete with multi-colored bubbling action when used properly, Snoop,
Snoopy- Kelly your bid?
Kelly- I bid eleven Cadbury Eggs.
George- A million.
Snoopy- Jaime?
Jaime- Eight Cadbury's Snoopy.
Tompkins- Seven Cadbury's Bob.
Snoopy- And the actual retail price of the toy lawn mower... twelve Cadbury Eggs, Kelly join me on stage please.
Kelly- Yeah, yeah, I won, I won
Crowd Applause, bells ringing ect. Kelly goes onstage.
Snoopy- Welcome Kelly, no please stand on the left, the left Kelly.
Kelly- You're my hero Snoopy.
Snoopy- Oh, thanks Kelly, the game were going to play is Eazy az 1 2 3. You'll have to place each of these three blocks with it's corresponding prize. "1" being least expensive, "3" most expensive. And the prizes Woodstock?
Woodstock- Squawk, squawk, squawk
Close Caption- Prize one Snoopy is an array of chocolate bunnies, one dark chocolate, one milk chocolate and one white chocolate, imported from Germany, these chocolate bunnies are loved the world over. Prize two is a new sandbox, sans sand. Prize three is a trip to McDonalds complete with playland and complimentary nuggets. Snoopy.
Snoopy- Kelly do you understand?
Kelly- I do Snoopy,
Snoopy- Well, get on it.
Kelly runs to the stage, puts block 1 on prize 2, block 2 on prize 3 and block 3 on prize 1. She then gets confused asks the audience who respond in a fit of applause, boo's and several toddlers throw their half eaten complimentary popsicles at Kelly based on her poor choice, Snoopy tries to intervene but slips on a popsicle and hits his head, he gets up a moment later only to quit the show.
Woodstock, being a true friend, walks out as well.
Next time on PIR for the Children, the producers decided complimentary popsicles are a bad idea and try to find a new host. Stay tuned.
Snoopy enters from left, waits for the applause to quiet.
Snoopy- Woodstock, we need some contestants here on contestant row.
Woodstock- Squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk
Close Caption- We need Kelly Rochelle, George Allen, Jaime Yurogz, and Tompkins in contestants row, Come on Down!
Snoopy- Okay, our first item up for bid is a toy lawn mower.
Woodstock- Squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk
Close Caption- This Toy Lawnmower is from Tyco, complete with multi-colored bubbling action when used properly, Snoop,
Snoopy- Kelly your bid?
Kelly- I bid eleven Cadbury Eggs.
George- A million.
Snoopy- Jaime?
Jaime- Eight Cadbury's Snoopy.
Tompkins- Seven Cadbury's Bob.
Snoopy- And the actual retail price of the toy lawn mower... twelve Cadbury Eggs, Kelly join me on stage please.
Kelly- Yeah, yeah, I won, I won
Crowd Applause, bells ringing ect. Kelly goes onstage.
Snoopy- Welcome Kelly, no please stand on the left, the left Kelly.
Kelly- You're my hero Snoopy.
Snoopy- Oh, thanks Kelly, the game were going to play is Eazy az 1 2 3. You'll have to place each of these three blocks with it's corresponding prize. "1" being least expensive, "3" most expensive. And the prizes Woodstock?
Woodstock- Squawk, squawk, squawk
Close Caption- Prize one Snoopy is an array of chocolate bunnies, one dark chocolate, one milk chocolate and one white chocolate, imported from Germany, these chocolate bunnies are loved the world over. Prize two is a new sandbox, sans sand. Prize three is a trip to McDonalds complete with playland and complimentary nuggets. Snoopy.
Snoopy- Kelly do you understand?
Kelly- I do Snoopy,
Snoopy- Well, get on it.
Kelly runs to the stage, puts block 1 on prize 2, block 2 on prize 3 and block 3 on prize 1. She then gets confused asks the audience who respond in a fit of applause, boo's and several toddlers throw their half eaten complimentary popsicles at Kelly based on her poor choice, Snoopy tries to intervene but slips on a popsicle and hits his head, he gets up a moment later only to quit the show.
Woodstock, being a true friend, walks out as well.
Next time on PIR for the Children, the producers decided complimentary popsicles are a bad idea and try to find a new host. Stay tuned.
Monday, December 04, 2006
PIR for the Children!
Wow that's an interesting concept, I wish I would've thought about this before.... I need a minute to get my thoughts together...
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Okay there's a train wreck of ideas smoking in my head. First off, I didn't mean to start all this. Second, this is a big concept, maybe larger than the comic portion even. Third, I don't even know where to begin.
I'll need to address hosts, prizes, crowd control ( can you imagine a studio full of toddlers?), adverts and marketing, and on and on. Also a different pricing system may need to be devised such as "how many Jelly Belly's would..." or "how many Cadbury eggs would..."
(One at a time know, stay focused)
Hosts. Here's a list of partially acceptable hosts for an underage PIR.
1) Marvin the Martian- I don't think the apocalyptic mania would happen on an underage PIR as previously stated. I think they would laugh and enjoy it. Although redundant, I don't think Marvin would handle an underage PIR as well as the normal PIR. He has a temper if I remember right, imagine some kid pissing on his lap thus causing Marvin to destroy the entire planet.
2) Barney- He couldn't handle it. My sources put him in rehab.
3) The Teletubbies- No dialogue for the PIR
4) Zack and Cody- You may not have seen this one coming, but Zack and Cody are the new gen of Saturday morning kid shows. Lovable twins who live in a hotel and solve crime or attempt to while a slew of calamities occur around them. They can handle the pressure, don't seem to have any drug problems yet, have a vocab and probably want to get out of the Sat morn slump. My main concern is the infighting a hosting partnership would cause. I can already picture Cody throwing an easy bake oven at Zack. The possibility of legal issues remains too much of a gamble to justify contract negotiations.
5) Snoopy- Possible Knott's sponsorship, lovable dog, minimal disagreements with possible co-host Woodstock, and a myriad of guest starts. Yup, I think we've found a winner.
Next on PIR, further development of PIR for the Children
...
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..
.
.
.
Okay there's a train wreck of ideas smoking in my head. First off, I didn't mean to start all this. Second, this is a big concept, maybe larger than the comic portion even. Third, I don't even know where to begin.
I'll need to address hosts, prizes, crowd control ( can you imagine a studio full of toddlers?), adverts and marketing, and on and on. Also a different pricing system may need to be devised such as "how many Jelly Belly's would..." or "how many Cadbury eggs would..."
(One at a time know, stay focused)
Hosts. Here's a list of partially acceptable hosts for an underage PIR.
1) Marvin the Martian- I don't think the apocalyptic mania would happen on an underage PIR as previously stated. I think they would laugh and enjoy it. Although redundant, I don't think Marvin would handle an underage PIR as well as the normal PIR. He has a temper if I remember right, imagine some kid pissing on his lap thus causing Marvin to destroy the entire planet.
2) Barney- He couldn't handle it. My sources put him in rehab.
3) The Teletubbies- No dialogue for the PIR
4) Zack and Cody- You may not have seen this one coming, but Zack and Cody are the new gen of Saturday morning kid shows. Lovable twins who live in a hotel and solve crime or attempt to while a slew of calamities occur around them. They can handle the pressure, don't seem to have any drug problems yet, have a vocab and probably want to get out of the Sat morn slump. My main concern is the infighting a hosting partnership would cause. I can already picture Cody throwing an easy bake oven at Zack. The possibility of legal issues remains too much of a gamble to justify contract negotiations.
5) Snoopy- Possible Knott's sponsorship, lovable dog, minimal disagreements with possible co-host Woodstock, and a myriad of guest starts. Yup, I think we've found a winner.
Next on PIR, further development of PIR for the Children
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