PIR Archive, i.e. Best of # 2

I'm slowly but surely getting this all set again. Here's another 3 from previous months. Enjoy.


The Golden Rule.

While it is not gloomy in Southern California, a little to the north at close to 11:00 a.m. depression struck a studio where normally happiness prevails.
What could happen, you ask? With all the pro's of the Price is Right, what con could measure up? Silly old people, playboy bunnies, dogs, cats and prizes.... what could possibly bring it down?
No Bob wasn't shot. Don't worry, the Price will live.
But both of the contestants in the showcase showdown went over on their bids, forgetting the one simple fucking rule of the Price. Bob tells you seven hundred times in an hour, "closest without going over." Both didn't listen, bid too much for their respective cruises/cars/campers/trips and lost it all. Stupid bastards.
Remember it's better a bit less than too much. Not only on the Price but everywhere; taking acid, eating cake, starting wars, drinking beer (well maybe not drinking beer but especially that first one).
Stay tuned, it's almost as good as television


The Enemy.

I new this day would come. I saw it years ago, forgot about it, saw it again when all this began, forgot ( I drink a bit), and remembered again this morning. It's important, really at the very heart of The Price is Right, a controlling factor even.

So what am I talking about? Advertising. You see those prizes don't fall out of the sky, don't row in from Cuba or cross the border illegally (damn you minutemen). They don't come from Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny or even Publishers Clearing House. They are given for advertising or bought at a lower price to be given away on air, I'm really not sure.

But that's not the point. I don't want to talk about prizes, Bob, or even his beauties today. I want to talk about adult diapers, medical supplies distributors, mobility scooters and life insurance.

You see the people working for the Price have their target market down. They continue day-after-day between prize-after-prize to praise non-soiled undies, not having to leave the home, not having to walk at all and dieing without leaving a huge debt for your loved ones. They must make a mint. I mean find something the elderly might somehow need, market it on the Price... you're a millionaire.

Then I remembered, I watch the Price is Right, what are these jackals offering me and my generation? So I paid more attention, tried to see past the aged offers and find something for me. I realized that I don't need a medical supplies distributor ( where do you live?), my mobility is fine, and hopefully I don't die soon (sorry if I do loved ones).

Finally I saw what I thought was at least a different marketing group. The commercial was for Quick, that wonderful chocolate drink. At first I felt I was a bit old to appreciate it, then I accepted it as my own and what I was searching for, then I realized that it wasn't a different group at all. The people at the Price are not looking to sucker children in, just to give the elderly something to bribe their grand kids with.

Square one again. Then, after Quick and before diapers, I found it. In the least likely place, and from a suspicious source. The U.S. Military.

It seems that besides old people and me, the only other people watching the Price is Right every morning are people who have absolutely no direction or ambition to leave the house before 11:00. Perfect candidates to serve our country.



Bruce Lee, with a little Price mixed in.

I'm sorry for the misleading nature of this post. I know these pages are devoted to The Price is Right and am still committed to bringing you insights into one of America's best relics. But I didn't watch today because Fists of Fury was on at the same time. So I don't have any new information on The Price is Right today, but I am working on a theory surrounding the actual value of prizes given away. As it stands I am not too impressed, but I'll get back to that later.

If you've never seen Fists of Fury you may want to pause the next time you pass it while surfing channels, hopefully you like kung fu enough to stay until the end. After fighting an entire school of martial artists to avenge his masters death, Bruce Lee kills the three leaders of the rival school. Then as he is being escorted out by detectives, he says he will accept punishment for the lives he took. They escort him outside to waiting cops with guns drawn, to which Bruce Lee responds with a scream and jump kick. Gunshots are heard over the scream. Roll credits.

It was incredible. Why don't shows end this way in the USA? I guess we just like happiness too much. Happiness and prizes. And flashing lights. And Bob Barker.