Putter.

Someone stole Bob's putter and then returned it out of shame. And then Bob made the very first inspiration put after getting it back.

You're still going to hell buddy, you stole Bob's putter. And besides, The Creator is a PIR fan. I bet he's money on the showcase showdowns.

PLINKO!!!!!

So I don't think they've played this today, but they had a dog up for adoption in LA county named Plinko. A cute little black lab pup. So, all you LA readers, go to your local shelter and pick up Plinko, or another friendly companion of the like.

Also someone just won ten dollars on PIR. That's got to be a record.

Getting on to the Million Dollar Special, I don't think the producers wanted to toss a million dollars to the public without some return and with Bob Barker no longer presiding I'm sure they were trying to pinch pennies. That or people just suck at PIR.

It's really the wheel, but someone somewhere has to have that wheel down. I'm sure a full scale model exists in some pole barn in Montana and Jeb's morning routine is at least a hundred spins with coffee. Just enough to keep up the skills while waiting to win on scratch off's so he can afford the plane ticket.

Maybe.

Anyway, if you didn't catch last night, you didn't miss much. A lot of cars and crazy prices, but I wish they had a parade or something.

Also, tonight is a tribute to Bob Barker, just in case you were wondering, till that day.

Million Dollar Showcase!!!

Except the channel is on set to America's Next Top Model... O.K. we're fine.

Back to a showcase devoted to Bob's past, mentioning a town my car broke down in on the way to Cali.

Dude is bidding way low.

Gal, you're up...

She basically did the one dollar over move, we'll see how it holds up.

And he's over, meaning I shouldn't play this game seriously, or stake my life on it.

More updates soon.

Don't call it a comeback...

... We've been here for years.

Two winners, a car a piece.

A now some woman has a "will neuter for plinko chips" shirt.

What will the showcases hold? I bet the moon alice, the moon.

Half Million Losers, a 1/2 time update

Million dollar special minute twenty-six.

And not one winner. A Dodge Viper, a Lincoln, a million dollars, and no winners.

Sure some girl got a motorcycle, a gemstone, but as for a last million dollar special...

well we're only halfway through.

Actual Retail Price is...

Bob just got kissed by a man. I've fallen victim of inattentiveness. And the actual retail price is....

First off, this guy on stage as I type is wearing a "bob I need a job" shirt and I'm wishing I'd thought of it first. He blew his chances when he kissed Bob I reckon. Bob, from all my sources*, likes the ladies. At this point I think he'd be happy being a CBS janitor, or as some refer; a workman.

Also, as some of you may have noticed, my blog is ripe with errors, grammitical and informational. I apologize, I'm not as s.m.r.t. as I would have lead you all to believe. Please let me know if I need to clarify anything. I could make excuses, but I've got a beer to finish.

And the actual retail price is.... a Million Dollars. That's a lot of McDonald's dollar snack parfaits. A lot. Like over a thousand. And that's what one lucky soul could possibly win on Bob's last primetime spectacular.

Last? That's like saying Leonard Skynard will have a final concert. We all know that Leonard Skynard will be doing the state fair circut well into the year of our (or my) lord 2172. Bob's last? or is it?

You decide at www.voteforbobbarkersretirementprimetimelastshowpurplewednesday.com

Have fun peeps, I'll see you all soon.


* www.tmz.com

A million dollars.

This wednesday a million dollars Price is Right spectacular! That's tomorrow folks [edit; this is 5/16/07 and thurday 5 /17/07, unemployment has my days a bit off] sorry for the late post, but I thought you would want to know. You will also note that this may coincide with LOST, which would be a non-point. I like The Show (I may actually start calling The Price The Show, as if no other exists) but a Dharma background is too tempting. I hope your on before ten Bob.

On Thursday however there is a 50 year Bob Barker tribute. Surely St. Peter is going to hear about this.

Today on The Show, regretfully, I noticed it's slipping.

Hey, wait a minute.... cut it out. ( Someone is throwing stones at the studio, hold on I have to call security.)

..

..

..

Now, please, if I didn't bring you the truth I'd be a sniveling booster. Nothing more than a CBS run newpaper acting more like a brochure. So I must with any integrity toward broadcast or blogcast standards tell you the downs as well as the ups, it's a roller coaster baby hang on.

So first the big wheel wasn't making it's regular clicking noise and I guess this isn't an apocalyptic failure, no one is getting fired. But if you wake up listing for that sound like a melodic morning parakeet or a lover's gentle kiss, you tend to miss it. (I'm not saying this is me, I'm just saying there's probably at least one person out there right, it's a big world.)

Second Bob didn't fully explain a game today, it was a simple error and he corrected himself. The crowd was shouting and a nervous contestant could've missed it. I believe it to be the cause of loss. But he was on screen with Bob and Bob was maybe just nervous because of the future.

We'll forgive you, but if this is how they're going to run it when your gone, I might have to find another 'The Show.'

I don't know what though. Someone just won both showcases, thirty-one dollars off. Round of applause, I'll talk to you all soon.

What dos thou bid?

Morning, it's me again, first day of what a friend refers to as early retirement. I didn't have to go to work today, which allows me a certain amount of face time with my television.

(editor's note; imagine a pearly gate scene where St. Peter is reading through my dossier and trying to make the idol judgment call, "well carson, you did get a bit carried away with that whole PIR thing a bit back.")

I should be doing something productive; filing for unemployment, setting up my new computer, laundry, beach, cleaning. But please, I'll have plenty of time for all of that.

Really I want to see this girl win...... A NEW CAR!!!

But it's a ford, so maybe I don't care too much.

She's not going to win anyway, she relies on the crowd too much, thinks society is going to pull her through, and that's faith ladies and gentlemen. Did it work, no, why would it? Half the fun of gambling is losing, well 51% if your lucky, and PIR goes the same way, it's just as fun (if not more fun) to see them lose. It falls under the whole, 'How would you appreciate the sun without the night" theory.

("I didn't mean it Peter, it was a joke, something I did more for my amusement than others, I mean Bob's not really God is he? Cause if he is I don't want him to hold any of this against me. I like old people and puppies. I swear. And I never said anything about the old man that was intentionally hurtful. Never.")

I'll leave you with some questions, (,not are you going to make it into heaven, that one's a humdinger. )

First, are they going to change the commercial format once these baby boomer's kick? Like Mickey's 40s for the college crowd, or anti-depressants rather than supplements.

Second, where's the after party? Because I think that would also be a humdinger.

And lastly, what's the best Price prize you can possibly think of? I'm going to make a list, and I bet mine is better than yours. I'll bet a personalized PIR against a faked comment about me going to George Clooney's party last night.

Until then, stay flossy.

Flossy, flossy.

Patience Please

I'm sorry for the lack of posting. I was in transition from a job to not having a job. I have no job as I type and listen to the wonderful sound of the "Big Wheel" on the television next to me.


Not today, but soon, I will post a plethora of PIR posts. I will continue such traditions as 'retirement scenarios' and 'minute by minute' updates, possibly even the second coming of the comic strips ala PIR.

But I have to run today, wont finish watching The Price unfortunately and therefor cannot blog much more on the subject today. Wait until next week, I promise I'll post then.

Til that time enjoy the sunshine, your family / friends, and everything else that makes this such a wonderful world. (Imagine Louis signing it, it even sounds wonderful.)

Peace Ya'll.

PIR Vonnegut Tribute.

And I was just going to give up my chances as a candidate for new host to have Kurt Vonnegut move into the position.

Listen, he was old, so he's got that factor. Witty, so the entertainment factor is there, and also a biting sarcasm that would go over most 50 year old's heads but would land on my ears like music or a sunscreen song. ( I know, I know.)

Could you imagine a showcase showdown full of Pall Malls and Ice 9? A trip to Tralfamadore or an artistic rendering of a butthole? No two artistic renderings of buttholes!

I say.

But alas the old man is dead and gone. And his website with him.

Imagine.

Anyway he wouldn't have wanted to do it. He was a cynic and would've been fired for laughing at contestants that lost. And as much as I would find this funny, Sally Mae and Art Enkel up at the retirement home wouldn't be choking on their pills with laughter I'm sure.

A person once said to me that we shouldn't read Vonnegut because the issues addressed are too big to relate with and that any good story should be about something personal, like a high school graduation ring. I disagree.

This is all an experiment to see how I can occupy myself writing. When it ends maybe I'll blog about transistor radios or blenders or something else mundane. Seldom will I address something as important as today.

Till Then. "Hi ho."

Luck and By the Grace of God.

Thank you. Thank you for everything who ever you are.

I'm home watching The Price. Again thank you.

Bob just paid a woman dressed like a blue jacketed cardinal. Feathers, screeching and all. Bob just paid her five hundred to leave him alone. She continued jumping around, but hasn't tackled him as of yet.

Yesterday I won an IPOD, last thursday a Schwinn beachcrusier.

Silly pasty [edit-Patsy], the answer was lower, no golf clubs and car for you. Take the five hundred and buy a powerchair. Decorate it with flowers.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

------

Benjamin come on down.

A new freezer chest. It looks like it could hold a cow, or deer, or moose for those northern readers.

1900. Kevin- 675, Alexander -420, girl- something

The price was five hundred something, seems like a theme today. Alexander won.

He can win a motorcycle and arcade game. It's a ton of old school games in one, I bet I would win at "ice hockey" or "pro wrestling", but he might have me beat in "techmo bowl."

Bob just asked, "what sayeth thou" in regards to switching prices or leaving them as is.

He switched and lost. I think I'd beat him at PIR too.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

________


Wheel spinning, he just threatened to leave the show if the bird wins. We missed the first contestant, but I'll mention her if she wins.

Alex is out. Over spun.

Apparently the first contestant is saying hi to her husband, daughter and son. So sweet.

I'm with Bob, I hope the bird goes over. She got five cents. Then fifteen cents. She's out. I'll have to figure out the firsts name in the showcase.

COMMERCIAL

________

So the IPOD and Schwinn. Both in drawings, not pricing games. Work and a bar. The Tilted Stick, drink there if you're ever out here. They are nice. I'm sure I'll be there.

On the bidding table. A coffee maker and soup.

WEAK.

A 0-1 bid won. That's where the last contestant bids one dollar over the previous.

Kevin has 16 grand in front of him to win. Some game to do with six ordinary grocery items. What will he do. Oh, he has to price them all to win the 16 grand.

The first for 1000, and on. He might have messed up on the supplement price, but I'm trying to watch and write. This is tough.

Results. Apparently this contestants dad treats PIR like I treat LOST. Supposedly he tells his wife to shutup if she interrupts.

He got the first grand. Now for two. He won. He's going for 4000. Won again. 8000 now.

He decided to quit and take the 4000. Would he have won more? No, the cat food was mis-priced.

______

I forgot to say COMMERCIAL. But this is a virgin experiment, bear with me.

Bidding on a wooden and iron bar cabinet. Looks regal.

Ohhh, and meet Sophie, she is up for adoption somewhere in Pasadena. If you can't get out to Pasadena, you can find a lovely companion in a shelter near you.

Lindsey just won the bidding.

A new car!!!! (I need to employ more of these '!' to convey the mood.)

She needs the first two and the last two numbers of the car.

She found the first two. Now the second. Missed again, one more miss and she's out.

She did it! She Won! A new car! It's her birthday! For real 18! Yeah!

COMMERCIAL

___________


Back to the last win while on commercial, does it seem odd to give a newly 18 year old girl a car and a bar cabinet? I'm puzzled.

Alright it's back on.

to bid; A new digital camera.

Amanda won. She looking at knives, luggage, a model ship and home gym system.

I'd rather have a car. Or 16 grand. Or the five bills the bird got.

The game is poker themed. She won with a pair of nines, no wait four nines.

SHOWDOWN NEXT. STAY TUNED.

_______________

Whose it going to be Kevin, Lindsey or Amanda.

Kevin's sitting pretty with 90 cents.

Lindsey has 60 cents.

She's over.

Looks like Kevin and 'nameless so far' in the Showcase.

COMMERCIAL.

___________

Kevin is top winner. Pamela is second. Pamela is the prior mentioned 'nameless so far'.

Kevin has his choice, bid or pass.

Let's see it.

A trip to Hawaii, air fair, 5 night stay at the Kauai resort. It's a Marriot. Next, a new hot tub. And a new truck. Ford ranger XL, silver.

Pass or bid? Bidding for his prior mentioned father. 27000 even.

Pamela?

A new day bed. Brass and beige cover. Complete with mattresses. Next, a guitar. Possibly that plays itself? And a waverunner. Trailer included.

Bid- 20000.

Predictions?

I think she's over and he's under by 3000-4000.

COMMERCIAL.

___________

Kevin is over, it was 25000. I would've lost too.

Pamela won with 20787. She's close and good. And I was off again.

Please correct those pets from breeding. And have a good day.

Thanks radio... I mean web-land. Thanks contestants, readers, writers and speakers. Thanks random "I'm at home watching The Price" moments."

Till next time.

PIR UPDATES...

Hey out there in Radio Land, it's a new day and maybe I'll do a new post.

This PIR thing is getting too big, everyday I see new people trying to jump on the PIR bandwagon, well there's not room bastards. You can take your 'pimp' Bob Barker shirts and go to hell. He's not some product to be guessed at and given away! He's a human being, if you over price him will he not feel cheated? If underbid won't his pride be challenged? If Chuck Barris shot him, would he not bleed?

Wouldn't he, wouldn't he???????

Dammit people listen, this is no joke. I want no Bob Barker action figures. No Commando Bob, with camo pants and microphone gun- No Moon-Base Bob, with gravitational slacks and moon based hair gel- No Action Now Bob, complete with ladder to save pets in burning houses and dog whistle microphone- No Retirement Bob complete with martini glass and pool side lounge girl.....

....wait, that last one might be cool.

No, no, no. That's the devil making me say that. Really Bob Barker is a person complete with feelings and emotions and self appreciation. And if he saw himself as a product everyday he might try to overdose on supplement.

But I did see an inspiring Barker reference on Post Secret. Which may not be totally appropriate for some work areas ( a bit of artful nudity.) And while I don't agree in a strict sense, I did find it funny. It'll only be there until 3/24/07, so check fast, or I'll try to repost it here someday.

www.postsecret.com

Till then, this is Carson at the PIR Blog saying, "bye."

PIR Horoscope # 3 of ... ( at least 3)

Minerva was delighted to hear from me today. She's been staying up all night drinking Night Train and trying to chase out the March demons, which have plagued her since a car accident in March of 1998. It was a collision between a nightingale and a riding lawn mower, the lawn mower shot pieces of the nightingale all over Minerva's windshield, subsequently she ran into a tree.

She says the nightingale has haunted her dreams every March since and the only remedy she has found is a heavy dose of seclusion coupled with gallons of Night Train.

She sounded a bit off today, but when don't astrologers seem a bit off?

Anyway, she wants to go out drinking and started rambling about the bars in her area and what kind of people go there and how expensive the drinks are.

Normally my favorite topic, I unfortunately had to get her to focus.

So I said " dammit Minerva focus, focus, focus, I'm not spending two dollars and ninety-nine cents a minute to hear drunk stories, I need the future dammit and I need it now!"

So she agreed to do Stacey's horoscope, but I think my excessive use of 'dammit' might have skewed the results, here you go anyway.

Stacey- The events of July 7th 2007 will work against a Pisces, causing an exaggeration of emotions that will cause a downward spiral unless help is sought. You'll gain confidence knowing close friends will be there to help, as is common in a Pig sign. Will anybody else be feeling similar?* You might consider sending a card.

Kind of brief, but always to the point.

Thanks again participants, Minerva, Sylvia and all those of you out there in radio land.

Stay tuned.



*I think she's talking about Bob Barker.

PIR Horoscopes part 2 of .... (at least 2)

I spoke briefly with Sylvia during lunch, a enlightened tarot reader who works with Minerva, and she drew a 3 card spread for me detailing the 7th of July, 2007.

For those unfamiliar with a 3 card spread, the first card is designated to the current situation, the second to the action or course to be taken, the third to the newly developed situation.

For me, Sylvia drew the 13th major arcana- death, the 4 of swords and the King of cups. She briefly explained the general meanings to me and left any interpretation to my own undoing.

The death card symbolizes a time of change, not that I'm going to die. Do not panic.

The 4 of swords designates a time to slow down, take rest or recoup.

The King of cups is likely noting a time to break new ground and or seek self improvement.

Now the interpretation. Seems easy enough, but I've got two.

1- Taking over Bob's position at retirement. Death- Bob retiring. 4 of Swords- his own rest, King of Cups- Myself moving into prominence as Bob's successor.

2- The end of the PIR blog. Death- Changing subjects as PIR with B.B. will be no more, 4 of sword- taking time away from the blog due to inactivity, King of Cups- Finding some equally entertaining subject for which to amaze the world.

I'm torn, but who said divination was easy?

Till that day.

-C.

PIR Horoscopes Part 1 of ....

The verdict is in.. Guilty. Just kidding, Innocent!

I don't know really, but what I don't know could fill all the space between the stars in the sky. That's why I have Minerva, whom I spoke to this morning regarding Nate and Kristin's horoscopes for 7/7/07. Minerva did say "anything in the mighty cosmos could change the delicate nature of these readings, but the overall tone of the day should be well conveyed to those you've chosen worthy."

I didn't mention that those were the only two who responded, but I don't think it would have changed her readings. So here we go.*

Kristin-

"Being of an analytical mind, one of criticism and fussiness within the Virgo sign, you will be inclined to write a thousand letters for a thousand days in regards to Bob Barker's retirement, but the Monkey in you craves mischief. Can you find a way to present your ideas so they will not be ignored?"

Nate-

"Taurus is dominated by patience and loyalty so being a shoulder to cry on seems a likely occupation on the 7th of July 2007, but Bob Barker is a celebrity so you must not become jealous if you are not the only supporter. Instead, using the Monkey in you, find a way to invent the best hugging machine ever. Maybe Bob Barker will feel good enough to continue the show, or you might make a million dollars."



So there you go, Thanks again to Minerva, Nate and Kristin. You're all the best. I might let you guys in on my Tarot reading for the 7th from Sylvia (Minerva doesn't dabble in tarot), but it's kind of personal. (Yes, you can argue that no one reads this so personal schmersonal, and I would probably agree.)

Till that day. -C

p.s. 50 post mark! Special thanks to Alex, all the loyal readers of the PIR blog and lastly but not leastly myself.

Horoscopes and Minerva

UPDATE TO ANNOUNCEMENT!

I called Minerva this morning to confirm just how many extra minutes I have built up from long hours of astrological examination. The number turned out to be 437 minutes. Now I don't know how many hours that it, but it's a lot. So I'm giving them to you eccentric websurfer, bored computer specialist, lame high school kid with only online friends. This one is for you.

Minerva told me I would only have good days this week if the date included a 2,5 or 7, or if I ate an apple at six in the morning on off days, or if a trans continental walk in the park was heavily considered over the next moons. Whatever the hell that all means.

But she did agree to do a general horoscopes providing I provide the names, signs or years to her. So get them to me if you can. She also said that the 17th might prove difficult across the board, as anxiety is going to be increased by some force, I forgot what she called it specifically.

Stay tuned.

*EDIT* I've used about 75 minutes of my time to appeal the 17th decision and Minerva has taken it upon herself to change the entire feeling of the week in an effort to push the bad mojo from the 17th to the 22nd, which she assured me would happen. So I apologize if you've canceled your spa treatments due to the previous post, hopefully you didn't reschedule it for the 22nd.

A list of PIR things I might do, supposing I won a lot of money in the state lottery

(or)

A Rich Man's Price.

1) Setup a fund to provide DNA replicas of Bob Barker in order to ensure showings of The Price is Right for eternity through an advanced cloning scheme.

2) Provide myself ultimate creative control on set design for The Price, in which huge mechanisms would be employed to rotate and lift the entire stage for no purpose other than having a stage that can rotate and lift.

3) First private island giveaway on The Price is Right.

4) Dress everyone on stage and in audience as bunny rabbits to promote ice cream (as if I win the lotto, I'm buying an ice cream factory first.)

5) Dress everyone in audience and onstage as giant lemurs, not for promotion, just to have a bunch of people dressed as lemurs.

Stay tuned.

Announcement!!!! Announcement!!!!

New and improved retirement horoscopes will be given away to those who respond with sign and/or year. I.E. Gemini, Rooster. Or Cancer. Or Pig. You choose, but choose correctly otherwise our trained astrologists will not be able to correctly predict what will be happening to YOU on 7/7/07.

PIR Retirement Scenario #1107

Here is a host of new jobs Bob might give a go when he's done entertaining the masses.


1-Traveling wonder tonic salesman- Not just for rejuvenating hair loss and bettering sex lives, but also hope, hope in a tiny bottle, but hope.

2-Circus Ring Leader- Come one, come all, for the amazement of Barker's 4 Tent Circular Celebrations of Circus-ry.

3-Prohibition era rum runner- Would require time machine.

4- Dinosaur Hunter - Would not require time machine as scientists in Papa New Guinea have created a real live Stegosaurus. (I'm still checking facts on this.)

STAY TUNED.

PIR Retirement # 777

In a bold move, Bob Barker of The Price is Right has started a new quasi religious movement converting thousands of enthusiastic fans and contestants into Barker devotees and followers. While he did retire The Price is Right, he only retired from the screen for seven hours. His new show is titled "Fishing with Bob," and is centered around teachings about peace and understanding, as well as financial improvement.